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What Is Church Hurt? Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Wounds

13 Wednesday Aug 2025

Posted by in Church, Pain, The Church

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What comes to mind when you think about church?

A kind pastor with a gentle presence.

Piano or organ music.

Smiling faces and loving embraces.

The sounds of creaking pews or the rustling of old hymnals.

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Church is supposed to be a safe place for believers to gather, build relationships, and deepen their walk with God. But what happens when the very place you run to for comfort and safety becomes the source of your deepest wounds? Church hurt is real, and for too long, it’s been swept under the rug by church leaders, well-meaning parishioners, and denominational organizations. Today, we’re pulling it into the light—because what stays hidden can’t be healed.

The Biblical Counseling Coalition defines “church hurt” as the painful experiences faced when individuals are exploited within a local church setting. In these situations, spiritual language or even Scripture may be misused to justify harmful actions and protect those responsible. Additionally, church hurt encompasses instances where someone is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or even physically harmed by one or more individuals within the church. This issue appears to be widespread, and in recent years, “church hurt” has gained significant attention on social media platforms and discussion panels among evangelical leaders.

What makes church hurt so painful is that it’s not just relational—it’s spiritual. It’s one of the most intimate relationships we find ourselves in because we know that our spiritual being cannot be hidden from God. In any other relationship, we subconsciously know that we might be hurt somewhere along the way. But the church is different. The people who wounded you weren’t just friends or acquaintances; they represented the body of Christ in your life. When they failed, it felt as though God failed. When the very people and institutions that should protect us betray us, we are often left in a rubble of disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. 

Throughout the Scriptures, we are told story after story about the challenges of making disciples of Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul said it best. “In hard traveling year in and year out, I’ve had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, and struggle with foes. I’ve been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers (2 Corinthians 11:26 MSG).” 

After almost 20 years of serving in full-time ministry, I have experienced my share of slings and arrows from the Christian community. But each year I continue to serve brings with it a constant reminder that loving and serving God’s people is a risky business. We can be deeply hurt by those we love, but you are worth the risk. 

Many people in our church services have been directly impacted by a moral failure of a former pastor, church infighting, a toxic church environment, or a manipulative friend misusing the name of Jesus. Scriptures have been used to justify abuse, shame, and condemnation, causing the abused to simply walk away altogether, not just from their church but from the faith.

How do we heal after being betrayed by those we trusted? How do we walk with those who have not only been hurt by the Church but also abused by spiritual leaders? How do we find the strength to try again after several attempts to find a healthy church family? Many church leaders are internally asking the same questions as they are also trying to minister to those who are considering leaving not only their church, but their faith altogether.

Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God isn’t indifferent to your hurt. He sees it, He grieves it with you, and He longs to bring healing.

Church hurt is the worst kind of hurt. It’s like getting stabbed in the back while the person holding the knife is looking directly into your eyes. When the very people and institutions that should protect us betray us, we are often left in a rubble of disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. 

Many people in our church services have been directly impacted by a moral failure of a former pastor, church infighting, a toxic church environment, or a manipulative teaching of scripture to justify abuse or shame.

So what do we do when the hurt has seeped in and we are unable to stop the constant flow of pain?

After Paul gives us his long list of ministry woes in 2 Corinthians 11, he continues in Chapter 12. “I do admit that I have fears that when I come you’ll disappoint me and I’ll disappoint you, and in frustration with each other everything will fall to pieces — quarrels, jealousy, flaring tempers, taking sides, angry words, vicious rumors, swelled heads, and general bedlam” (2 Corinthians 12:20–21 MSG). 

From the beginning of the Acts church, there has been a fear of hurt and disappointment. Church is made up of imperfect people, after all. So how do we work alongside a perfect God to build His Church alongside Him, while simultaneously healing and helping others heal? 

Paul gives us some direction in 2 Corinthians 13 (MSG). 

1. Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith — Where has the enemy caused confusion and chaos in relationships, your prayer life, conversations, and situations? Have you done the hard and holy work of pursuing personal healing through counseling, prayer, fasting, repentance, and forgiveness? Ask yourself, “Is my faith in Jesus Christ solid or has a season of disappointment and hurt cracked my once solid foundation?” 

2. Don’t drift along, taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups — Sometimes we have to leave a church to stay with Jesus, but don’t stay gone for too long. Pursue a new biblical community under a safe shepherd. Pursue daily time in the Word of God, reflecting and resting, worshipping privately and corporately, and staying in close connection with mentors and those who love you. Church doesn’t have to look like it always did, but you need a community that will hold you accountable to those regular checkups.

3. Don’t just put up with your limitations; celebrate them — Paul boasts of his weaknesses because in them God’s great strength is revealed. Celebrate the thorn in your flesh and the scars that have become your testimony. What you have walked out — the hurt, the abuse, the disappointment — will help others share their stories and invite them to know a Jesus they have always wanted to know who doesn’t punish us for weakness but shows up in greater strength! Silence is the enemy. Sharing your testimony is healing for you as long as it’s not an act of revenge. Speak of your victory in Jesus Christ.

4. Allow God to demonstrate his supernatural strength in your life — Paul ends with this, “And that’s about it, friends. Be cheerful. Keep things in good repair. Keep your spirits up. Think in harmony. Be agreeable. Do all that, and the God of love and peace will be with you for sure.” 

As I said earlier, being in ministry… whether as a pastor, a volunteer, a mentor … it is risky. We risk hate from nonbelievers and we risk pain from fellow believers. But it is worth the risk. You are worth the risk. Every time we choose to cross the threshold of a church building after a season of hurt, we are reminded that the Body of Christ is worth the risk because He made us so through His death and resurrection.

Maybe there is a part of you that yearns to be in a church community but another part of you wants to simply run away. Cling to God. He has positioned you to be a voice for the voiceless even when it’s scary or painful. Ask the Lord for wisdom to know when to stay and when to go, and believe he is with you in the coming and the going, the beginnings and the endings. 

If you or your church is experiencing hurt, you don’t have to walk through it alone. Reach out to The Ephesians 612 Group to restore hope, truth, and peace in your troubled community of believers.

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Your Tears Matter

22 Monday Jul 2024

Posted by in My Story. My Faith., Pain

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I was sitting in a local coffee shop recently waiting for a friend to arrive. There were several people there laughing and chattering. As I took in my surroundings, I noticed that in between the loud laughter, they would lean in to share with one another. And on their faces, in the midst of the whispers, was an etching of pain. I could see it because I felt it, too. Not long after my friend, she asked me, “So, how are you doing really?” The lean in happened and then the tears started to fall. I can’t even tell you where they came from but in that moment, I felt both relieved and ashamed. I’m the counselor. I’m the one who has the answers. I’m the pastor. I’m the carrier of everyone else’s pain.

There is a lot of pain in the world right now. I know this isn’t surprising to anyone but seriously, there is a lot of pain. One person after another comes to me expressing pain so deep they can’t articulate it. And it too often leaves them feeling invisible, alone, forgotten.

But guess what? God sees your tears. And He sees mine, too.

I believe God put Psalm 56 in the Bible for people who feel forgotten in their pain. This Psalm says that every tear David has cried, God has placed in a bottle. It’s this intimate imagery that God is near in our hurt. The God of the universe, hearing millions of prayers at any given time, is aware of every tear that leaves your eyes.


PSALM 56:8-11

You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, I shall not be afraid.

Just let that sink in for a moment. There is not a single drop that has fallen from your eye that God has not seen. Ever. Every burden, painful moment, and anxiety you have faced, God knows about it.

WHY WOULD GOD CARE?

Are you one of those people who thinks crying is a sign of weakness? Maybe you heard as a child to “stop crying.” Or, “big boys/girls don’t cry.” If crying is wrong, why do we do it? Why would God create a body so intricately made, with such amazing abilities, to have tears?Why would God create a physical response to coincide with our emotions? I think He doesn’t want us to be alone.

When I was crying on my friend’s shoulder, she wasn’t telling me to be quiet, suck it up, or that it would be okay. She just sat in the silence with arms outstretched. It was as if God Himself were there in that moment holding on. There’s a scene in the 4th season of The Chosen when Thomas is about to lose his mind in grief and Jesus is standing there. Thomas looks up and it’s as if the entire world melted away as he fell into Jesus’s arms. No words just love. It’s a beautiful scene depicting the love we can feel from God.

Think about how difficult pain is when you are alone in it. We all secretly crave for someone to walk with us in our pain; to simply be there in the midst of the heartache. But too often we try to hide it from the very people God has sent to be a support system. But it’s our tears that communicate what we often can’t say: “I need help. I need love. I need a hug.” If they speak of our pain to those around us, how much more do they speak to God?

I think Psalm 56 is important because we need to know that God isn’t a god of just words. He is a God of action. He says, “I not only see that you have pain, I am going to keep a record of it because you are that important to me.”

Is there any other god that people worship who love like that? NO! Our God tells us that He is aware of every tear we cry. And every tear we suppress because of some silly idea that we aren’t supposed to shed tears because it’s silly, weak, or foolish is simply preventing us from fully feeling the love of God through those He sends on our path.

BUT DOES HE REALLY HEAR

God is not oblivious to the brokenness in our heart. He is not apathetic to our pain; those moments when we cry out that it’s not supposed to be this way or that way. He doesn’t pick and choose which struggle or pain He will walk with us through. He’s there for it all because He understands. Because Jesus felt the hurts we feel. (Hebrews 4:13-16)

Jesus was sometimes lonely.

Jesus experienced abandonment from God on the cross.

Jesus felt the overwhelming anxiety in the garden when he was sweating blood.

Jesus lived day after day with people who doubted who He was, constantly being misunderstood.

Jesus wept at the loss of his friend, Lazarus.

In God, we do not have a king who is so lofty and above our difficulties that He scoffs at our tears with disdain. No, we have a King who has descended into the pain with us. You do not cry alone.

Jesus hears you. He sees you. He weeps with you. We have his promises to comfort us and to help us trust in the Lord when it is difficult to see the reasonings and the whys. And for those of us who know the Lord as our personal savior, when we take our final breath, we will hear with our own ears and feel on our own faces, the gentle hands of God, wiping away our tears—

Revelation 21:3-5

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

Photo Credit: Marina Pechnikova on Pexels.com

What’s Wrong With The World?

29 Monday Aug 2022

Posted by in mental health

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Do you ever just find yourself looking at the world around you and think, “What in the world is happening?” It seems as if everything is just off. What used to roll off the backs of people now sets them off. The things that glued us to the news, we are now numb to it. People are more agitated, fearful, distrusting, and isolated than ever before. And we all feel it.

But what about our kids? How are they coping?

In a word… poorly.

According to CDC statistics released in March 2022:

  • More than 1 in 3 high school students experienced poor mental health during the pandemic.
  • Nearly half of students felt persistently sad or hopeless.
  • Two-thirds said they had difficulty with understanding or concentrating on schoolwork.
  • More than half of students experienced emotional abuse in their home.
  • A quarter of teens struggled with hunger.
  • Female students were more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide compared to male students.
  • 19.9% of students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and 9.0% had attempted suicide.

While it’s true that so many people young and old are struggling more mentally than before the pandemic, it’s the youth who seem to be a more steady decline. Before COVID-19, suicide was already reported as the second-leading cause of death among people aged 10–34, and the CDC reported that youth mental health was already declining. But since the start of the pandemic, the state of youth mental health has undoubtedly worsened.

How Did We Get Here?

Between the constant comparisons and challenges to keep up with the pressure to perform on social media; the expectation of being “always on” that comes with technology, instantaneous communication and troubling news cycles; the lack of God and His word within the home and/or school; and the isolation, uncertainty, and trauma and grief that have come from an unprecedented global crisis… Young people today are being challenged in ways we couldn’t believe.

For lack of a better way to say it, our youth are in a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, the way youth respond to their emotional situation is often difficult to predict. Some act out in violence, seeking attention in ways that are completely out of their normal behavior. Some become hypervigilant, fearful of making a mistake, leaving their safe spaces, or making friends. Others might isolate, withdrawing from family, friends, and things they love. Let’s face it, in more instances than we care to accept, our kids feel more safe in their rooms on a computer screen than out in the “real world.” We did that to them. We took away their schools, their friends, their church, their extracurricular activities and stuffed them in their rooms while we spiraled into our fear-based abyss. And even though we have begun to see a bit of normalcy in our daily choices, our kids don’t know how to step back into a world with face-to-face interactions. It’s a lot. And too often we say to them, “Just suck it up. You’re young; you can handle it.”

Reality check … they can’t handle it! They don’t know how and we aren’t helping them. So they do what they know… they learn from us. If you are an adult who doesn’t talk about your feelings, neither will your kids. If you act out in violence, so will your kids. If you don’t pray to God, neither will your kids. Our youth are looking to us for leadership. They want to know how to handle things and we simply are letting them down because WE aren’t handling things well at all.

The Church Response

Recently, a 14-year-old said to me, “Is there anywhere we can go where we feel safe and can just be kids?”

That question nearly crushed me. Because the truth is that there is no where any of us can go in this world and not be touched by evil in some way. It’s infiltrated our homes, churches, schools, businesses, governments, sports… the list goes on and on. Evil is something humankind has encountered since the Garden of Eden. And the only response to evil is God.

I can’t help but wonder where our churches are because they aren’t stepping up. As a whole, churches have dropped the ball on the basic premise of providing hope to the hurting world through the spreading of the Gospel. Churches have become, instead, a place of entertainment, political activism, and acceptance of sin. We can’t accept this any longer as Christians. When we said yes to Jesus Christ’s invitation to eternal salvation, we also agreed to the Great Commission: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

Our kids are desperately seeking hope because they are living in a hopeless world. If we don’t share with them “to obey everything [Jesus has] commanded” we are complicit in the suicides, school shootings, gang violence, pornography, unwanted pregnancies, gender confusion, bullying, and more. It’s their blood on our hands if we stay quiet about the very thing they need to know most… sin. Sin is what separates us from God. If we don’t know what the sin is, how can we ever expect to grow close to Him to have the very hope we are most seeking?

What can you do?

Listen. Stop trying to talk AT your kids or simply brushing their concerns aside as if they’re not important. Really listen to your kids. Create a space in your day when you put your phone down, turn off the TV, and just listen to your child. What was great about their day? What wasn’t so good? Why? How are they doing? Is there something they are struggling with? These are just a few questions parents can ask and then just really listen to their answers. If more parents did this, more young lives would be saved.

Make God important in your life. If your kids see you studying the word of God, praying, attending church, and spending time with others studying God’s word, they will see how important that relationship is in their own life. But if your priorities do not show God at the top every day, then neither will your kids. God is always there but the relationship can only happen if you nurture it.

Set boundaries. Believe it or not, kids prefer rules over free-range parenting. God set a clear boundary with Adam and Eve and they broke it. We are still paying for those consequences. Set clear boundaries with your kids. Be nosey about their electronic communications. Don’t let them stay behind a closed bedroom door all the time. Monitor their friends. Be the parent! The friendship comes once they are adults.

Ask for help. Believe it or not, parents don’t know everything. Not only that, but as a parent, you are more invested in your child than anyone else in the world so it’s sometimes difficult to be unbiased when they are going through things. That’s why therapists exists! We are the unbiased professionals trained to help people navigate difficult situations. There is no shame in talking to someone. In fact, seeing a therapist is as normal as seeing a physician. So, if your child is struggling, ask if they would like to talk to a therapist. And if they come to you can say they want to go to counseling, applaud them for taking an active role in their mental health and then act upon their request. And vet the therapist. I love it when parents want to meet with me. You’re trusting your child with someone so you need to know who it is. If you want Christian counseling, make sure the therapist follows scripture. If you need a trauma specialist, ask for their experience working with trauma. Ask questions and then make a decision.

It is easy to throw statistics and what-ifs at you. But it’s the kids we have to really focus on. Our youth are lost and we are the ones who are supposed to be guiding them. It’s time to step up and do the hard work. If you know of a young person struggling, please reach out to First Step Counseling. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call 988. Someone is available 24-hours a day to help you. You are not alone.

Lamenting in Faith and Suffering

24 Friday Jun 2022

Posted by in My Story. My Faith.

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It’s been nine years to the month when life seemed to just bottom out. Nine years. It’s really hard to believe that nearly a decade has passed. It’s even harder to believe that I find myself here once again.

In June 2013, my family and I received the news we were really hoping to avoid. Not enough of an income meant we would lose our forever home. It was such a horrific blow. That house was the place of so many firsts for us. It was our safe place. Our memory-holder. Our home. And we could no longer call it ours. Earlier in that year, my husband had lost his job and had been unable to secure employment since then. I was working but a therapist makes peanuts so my paycheck couldn’t keep up with the monthly expenses. We were forced to wave the white flag.

I remember going through different waves of emotions. Why was this happening? Where was God? When would it end? We lost several friends during that time whom we believed were true and solid in our lives. But some people don’t like messy. And we were definitely messy during that point. On the other hand, we also discovered some friends we never really knew we had. People who walked with us in our messiness and didn’t mind getting a little dirty along the way. And we saw God. Often.

It was a very difficult time. I can remember literally counting coins in order to pay for things we needed but then out of blue, in the most difficult of moments, God provided. There were times when I wondered if we would ever feel anything other than sadness again and then God would give me a glimpse of the joy I possessed deep within because of Him. It was a long road.

But time goes on. The sun kept shining. The earth kept spinning. And we eventually found our way back to a place of normalcy. We stopped merely surviving and began living again. And we were very thankful to God, giving Him all of the glory for the successful climb out of our deep pit.

Somewhere during this past decade, we lost sight of an important lesson Jesus taught. Just because we’ve already been through a trial, that didn’t exempt us from future trials, no matter how close we walk with Jesus Christ.

In Matthew 5:45, Jesus said, “{God} makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.”

If you are anything like me, that isn’t a verse you spend a lot of time on. I mean, seriously, I’m a good person and do the right thing so God’s sun will shine on me, right? Yes, but so will the rain… and wind… and the thunder and lightning. The bad doesn’t stop just because the good is there. As Jesus said, “In the world, you will have tribulation…”

Unfortunately, I was not prepared for more tribulation in my life.

Last week, my husband’s work contract came to an abrupt end. No warning. No time to make plans. Just an ordinary Wednesday that would become a mass of chaos with one phone call. “And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.”

Blessings surround me.

I see them.

I give thanks for them.

But… I’m angry.

I cannot count the number of times I have said to God, “I love my life. Thank you.” After the turmoil of 2013, life was pretty simple but very good. We were able to buy a home after house-hopping for a few years. It’s a cute little house nestled into some trees on a hillside. We’ve made some renovations and put lots of love into it. It’s become our home and we love it. We’ve managed to take some family trips to the coast. That’s always been my favorite getaway. We go out to eat more than we should and we buy things we definitely don’t need. But it has been a pretty simple life over these past few years.

I am a business owner and really proud of the work I do in the mental health field. Honestly, I give away a lot more than I make. I love my patients and desire to point them to God in the midst of the struggles they are in. My husband poured his heart and soul into his patients. It was a specialized practice focused completely on substance abuse treatment. His passion for it comes from his experiences surviving it. He didn’t just see his patients, he empathized with them. He listened and he gave them hope. Between the two of us, we spent most of the past few years dedicating our lives to serving God by serving his hurting world.

So the question that immediately sprung to my mind upon hearing the news was, “Why God?”

It’s too easy to get into the mindset that the bad stuff can’t touch me because we’ve already had our fair share of it. How completely vain for me to think that. What promise has God ever made that the bad stuff has a limitation? None! And yet, I was walking through life as if I was somehow immune of any further tribulation.

C. S. Lewis said, “There is no such thing as a sum of suffering, for no one suffers it. … If tribulation is a necessary element in redemption, we must anticipate that it will never cease till God sees the world to be either redeemed or no further redeemable.” (The Problem of Pain).

And there it is. Tribulation is necessary and my family is definitely not immune. But dang it, it is hard to live in the constant void of the unknown. It’s difficult to describe what it’s like. There is just a constant feeling of walking a high wire over a bottomless cliff.

“I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.” Psalm 6:6-7

For several years I cried this lament daily. I felt David’s anguish when he said, “My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night,I find no rest.” And to be honest, I’m not real thrilled about experiencing that anguish again. Unfortunately, you can’t stop this stuff from coming. And with it comes anger and even some doubt.

I may feel David’s cries of “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” and think, “I should not feel this way! I am losing my faith!”But my lament is in good company with our spiritual fathers and their faith journeys.

In the Scriptures, faith is not simply an intellectual feeling. It is the trusting of my entire being to God. At times, we all will likely experience God’s absence; and right now I certainly feel alone and confused. So doubt creeps in.

But praise be to God, doubt is not opposed to faith; despair is. When the father in Mark 9 brought his son to Jesus for healing, Jesus encouraged the father to have faith. He replied, “I do believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). Yes. That is the conflict.

Even Saint Paul tells us he was “perplexed, but not driven to despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8). In despair we give up on our relationship with God. Doubt, on the other hand, is a sign that our faith is alive and kicking; it is part of the rhythm of faith itself.

Lament is not a failure of faith, but an act of faith. We cry out directly to God because deep down we know that our relationship with God counts; it counts to us and it counts to God.

Even if I currently do not experience the closeness of God I want to feel, I believe that God does care. Even if God seems not seem to hear, I believe that God is always within shouting distance. In the Scriptures, God does not say, “Do not fear, I will take away all the pain and struggle.” Rather, He says, “You have no need to fear, since I am with you” (Genesis 26:24; Exodus 3:11-12; Matthew 14:27).

In this light, the “cursing psalms” make sense. They have often been a particular stumbling block. We need to recognize, first, that they are clearly spoken out of great pain and distress. The feelings are really in the psalms, and at times they are really in us.

God, this is the way I feel; I leave it to you. And even though God has never been known to do what I want or when I want it, I know the only way through this tribulation is to let God deal with it.

Although right now I can truly relate to many of the psalms and the anguish they spell out, almost all of the lament psalms end on a sudden turn to praise. We can’t leave that part out. It is only after we lament, after we face and express the pain and negativity and get it all out, that healing can begin. In more theological terms, we can say that it is only by facing and going through the death that we can come to new life, to resurrection.

The structure of lament tells us that it is possible to praise too soon. The psalmist takes the time to let all the pain and anger out before the praise can set in. So, today, I am not really ready to praise. But I will. I always do. He is forever faithful in his mercy and grace.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4:8-10) This will be my praise. This is always my praise.

In This Chair

12 Wednesday Jan 2022

Posted by in mental health, My Story. My Faith.

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There is just something about this chair. It’s the place where a thousand tears have been shed and laughter has been shared. It’s big enough to curl up in and comfortable enough to stretch out freely. This chair is the safe place people have come to in order to heal. It’s the uncomfortable place people find themselves when they need to be challenged.

It’s tough being a therapist’s chair. It’s a lot of responsibility. It must be comfortable enough to ease someone’s anxiety. It must be strong enough to hold their burdens. It must be firm enough to hold them up when they can’t find the strength. It must be water resistant to catch all of the tears. And it must be completely silent in order to hear the desperate whisper of a broken heart.

Oh the stories this chair could share.

In this chair, people tell their therapist everything. The things they are proud of and the things that overwhelm them with shame. And while sitting in this chair, it can seem like just talking isn’t enough. Yet, on the way home, your heart feels so much better.

There’s just something about this chair.

This chair has cradled the cries of the world in its methodical rocking. And as I’ve listened to these cries, I can’t help but extend a piece of me to each fractured heart. I pray with each person that they will feel God’s presence and healing as they share, cry, laugh, and sometimes scream in the silence of their soul.

The last several weeks, this chair has worked overtime. There has been so much pain here. As I listened to a patient share immense desperation, I could feel my heart literally breaking. I think I may have even taken a quick breath just to assure myself my heart still worked. And if this is what I’m feeling, imagine what God must be experiencing. He feels all we feel; experiences all we experience.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” —Psalm 53:8

Someone asked me once why therapy worked. It’s because within each one of us we want to be known; we want to be heard. And that’s what therapy really is, in a nut shell. It’s one person choosing to see and hear another person, even in the midst of their darkest moment. And that’s what we want from God. We want to know He sees us and hears us. We want to be known to Him.

The crippling part of emotional pain is the isolation that comes with it. When we experience pain our natural tendency is to shut everyone out. Satan counts on us to isolate ourselves from those around us. If Satan can use your pain to separate you from Jesus Christ then he is doing his job because he is constantly looking to devour and deceive (1 Peter 5:8).

There is nothing worse than experiencing a painful season and feeling unseen. It is a crushing sensation to experience heartache and feel as if nobody cares. I know, because I have experienced this before. We fall victim and believe that our season of pain is so unique that nobody could ever relate to it and that nobody will ever understand why we feel how we do. And the longer we feel that way, the more isolated and hopeless we can become.

I cannot tell you the number of times that someone sitting in this chair has said, “No one can understand. No one can possibly know what it feels like to hurt this much.” Oh, sweet child, there is someone who knows.

(Jesus) began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” —Mark 13:33

Jesus Christ, Emmanuel (God With Us), was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He was so deeply distressed and troubled that His sweat turned to blood. For us to ever think that our Lord and Savior cannot comprehend what we are going through is completely wrong.

Jesus knows all about pain and He knows your pain. He knows your depression. He knows your misery. He knows your thoughts. He knows your secret guilt. He knows your deepest fears. He knows you fully. Jesus is relational. He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He heals and binds our wounds (Psalm 147:3). He is faithful and will do what He says (1 Thessalonians 5:24). Jesus is the epitome of love (1 John 4:8), He is forgiving (Matthew 18:21-35), slow to anger, gracious, and compassionate (Nehemiah 9:17). Jesus Christ, the Highest Priest and the only Savior of mankind, is all we need. In Him, there is freedom (Galatians 5:1).1

With all of the pain, self-doubt, desperation, and hopelessness that finds its way in this chair, I pray that each person also experiences the profound healing of Jesus Christ. I pray they know that God’s mercy is greater than anything the world can give. I long for each broken heart to be filled with the healing of the Holy Spirit. If you don’t feel like you can talk to God, find a chair. I promise that if it’s a good chair, you’ll have a good listener.

1Marcus Donaldson, God Knows Your Pain, 2019

Heart-heavy but hope-filled

04 Saturday Sep 2021

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Kentucky Lake – by Janean

I don’t know about you but I’m feel pretty heart-heavy this week. I can’t really focus on anything. There seems to be so much hopelessness in the air. Let’s face it, life right now is challenging.

I’m currently sitting at the lake. It’s my place, my anchoring place. It’s where I go when I feel out of sorts with the rest of the world. So here I am, listening to the birds and insects chirp and sing. There’s a slight breeze, causing just enough of a ripple that I can hear the water lap on the bank. Occasionally a fish jumps, interrupting the calmness of the water with its chaotic splash. Even the dragonflies wings make a buzzing sound by my ears as they look for a place to light.

Peace typically finds me here. But not today. Instead, my mind can’t escape the pain that threatens to consume everyone. Just in the past month, I’ve had patients bring to me some of the most intense struggles I’ve ever worked with.

Homelessness, poverty, addiction, despair.

Loss of a child, loss of a job, loss of a home, abandonment.

Human trafficking, abuse, rape, suicide, murder.

Covid, death, Afghanistan, betrayal.

This is just in the past month!

I am a bit angry about it all, to be honest. I don’t want to see these people suffering like they are. I don’t want to know they are in a pain I can’t fix. I don’t want them to hurt.

And then God responds, “Neither do I.”

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10

It is so hard to not be afraid or to feel hopeless but God continuously tells us in scripture that He has not forgotten us. We are not without hope or healing. We are not without mercy and grace. When the world tells us that it is only going to get worse and that there is no hope to be found, God tells us that He is the hope. He is the reason we have to be joyful in the face of tribulation.

But still, I throw up my hands in frustration at the state of the world. I don’t want to be like the toddler, throwing a fit when I don’t get my way;I can’t help but wonder when it’ll all finally end. When will the pain and suffering cease? When are you coming back, Jesus? Is it now?

They stood there, staring into the empty sky. Suddenly two men appeared—in white robes! They said, “You Galileans!—why do you just stand here looking up at an empty sky? This very Jesus who was taken up from among you to heaven will come as certainly—and mysteriously—as he left.” — Acts 1:11

How easy it would be to focus on the empty sky, just waiting impatiently for Jesus to return. But that’s not our job. Instead, be alert while boldly living the life each is given.

Yes, there is a tremendous amount of pain and sadness in the world. But much of scripture is being relived right before our eyes. And with all of the despair, it is such a comfort to hear God’s word and remember that it still remains true today.

For even if the mountains walk away
    and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won’t walk away from you,
    my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.”
    The God who has compassion on you says so.

“Afflicted city, storm-battered, unpitied:
    I’m about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
Lay your foundations with sapphires,
    construct your towers with rubies,
Your gates with jewels,
    and all your walls with precious stones.
All your children will have God for their teacher—
    what a mentor for your children!
You’ll be built solid, grounded in righteousness,
    far from any trouble—nothing to fear!
    far from terror—it won’t even come close!
If anyone attacks you,
    don’t for a moment suppose that I sent them,
And if any should attack,
    nothing will come of it.
I create the blacksmith
    who fires up his forge
    and makes a weapon designed to kill.
I also create the destroyer—
    but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged.
Any accuser who takes you to court
    will be dismissed as a liar.
This is what God’s servants can expect.
    I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best.”
        God’s Decree. — Isaiah 54:10-17

I’m thankful for my anchoring place. It helps me to escape the world, instead falling into the Holy Spirit’s unfailing guidance. I may struggle with carrying the pain of others but I will joyfully proclaim His healing for the pain.

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Perhaps you’re exhausted with the world and just need a respite. Won’t you allow God’s Word to embrace you, covering you like a blanket? There is nothing you are going through that He doesn’t understand. Praise be to God, He always understands.

Freedom from Food

16 Friday Apr 2021

Posted by in mental health, My Story. My Faith.

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You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. — Song of Solomon 4:7

Last September I wrote a blog about my struggle with my weight. I really thought I was ready to make a change when I wrote that piece. But I wasn’t. The depression I was in was simply too strong and I felt helpless. To make it worse, I had made my struggle public so now everyone knew I was … fat. Everyone knew I chose food over God as my comfort. Everyone knew I was weak. …And the pounds kept coming.

But sometimes change comes when we least expect it. February 6 was nothing extraordinary. I was on social media in a … shoe group page (don’t judge me). I had posted a pair of shoes for sale and a lady quickly nabbed them up. We started chatting about the final details and I noticed her email address said, “health coach.” So, I asked her about it and she shared her weight loss journey.

Two days later, I contacted her to get started … and I haven’t looked back. It was hard at first but then something changed. I started seeing food as a gift from God rather than His replacement. I found Jesus Christ IN the weight loss.

FREEDOM

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. — Galatians 5:1

Scripture tells us to embrace the freedom that comes from faith in Jesus Christ. But for some reason I struggled living into that freedom. And food gave me an excuse to be even more enslaved. I had tried so many diets but the strictness of them created an unrealistic set of laws I was unable to follow. So Christ has truly set us free. How could I have forgotten?!!

I was so busy trying to eat the “right” thing, and look the “right” way and yet all I did was fail. When we receive the freedom in Christ from diets and sizes and self-imposed judgment, we can finally hear His voice about how to eat.

LISTEN

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. — John 10:27

Because of the debt Jesus paid on our behalf, we are free from staying in our sins. Instead, once we say yes to Jesus, we are adopted into the kingdom of Heaven. That means we can hear His voice. Christ refers to Himself as our Shepherd. And do you know what shepherds do? They take care of their sheep! That includes providing food. Making sure we are well-fed is on the top of our Shepherd’s priority list! Listen for His voice, and trust that he is leading us where our needs will be met!

GLORIFY GOD

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. — 1 Corinthians 10:31

When I was using food to medicate my depression, I was not glorifying God. I failed to glorify Him in body and in spirit. But praise be to God, I am no longer bound by those ways. I have lost 20 pounds. I see food as fuel given by God. And in return, I praise Him for the health I have been given. We go to God for many things in our lives. But we often neglect to go to God for our daily needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:19

My journey is not over but today food is no longer my enemy.

Maundy Thursday

01 Thursday Apr 2021

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Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And so said all the disciples. — Matthew 26:35

The triumphal entry into Jerusalem. The cleansing of the temple. The teaching and the miracles. All displayed their leader’s power and the faith of the disciples soared.

Now, on this Holy Thursday, came the most intimate moment of all, the Passover meal. He joined his friends, the 12 whom had answered his call, for one last meal. It would be here that the newest command would be given to all humanity — “love one another.” He showed that love by humbling himself as he washed their feet.

Jesus took this moment to prepare them one last time for the testings and trials that lay just ahead. “Lord,” Peter assured Him, “I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” (Luke 22:33)

Maundy Thursday isn’t just a Holy Week service, it corresponds to those times in our own lives when our faith feels shaky. Surrounded by so many proofs of His love, how could we ever doubt? And yet, just like the disciples, we do!

Thursday is the most perilous day of our journey. Because when the test comes, we so often fail. Before daybreak Peter was swearing he’d never heard of Jesus. Maundy Thursday represents our failures too—the ones which swiftly follow our moments of high commitment. The times when, having made great promises, we fall on our faces. When we let God down and let ourselves down and are left with only the certainty of our own weakness.

Yet strangely, Thursday also ushers in the most hopeful part of our journey. Because at last we are truly on the road to Easter. We have learned better than to place our trust in ourselves. “I tell you, Peter,” Jesus replied to Peter’s confident boast, “the cock will not crow this day, until you three times deny that you know me.” (Luke 22:34)

But He said it without condemnation, without rejection. Jesus knew that the way leads through death. Death of self-satisfaction and self-sufficiency. He knew that on the other side of Easter, Peter would find the power that never fails. Eternal salvation!

Yes, Maundy Thursday is often the day we remember the first Lord’s Supper. But it’s much more than that. It’s a love that took our sins upon himself. It’s a love that anguished in Gethsemane. It’s a love that was arrested. It’s a love that was tried, beaten, condemned, and crucified… for you.

Holy Wednesday

31 Wednesday Mar 2021

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Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was one of the twelve; he went away and conferred with the chief priests and officers of the temple police about how he might betray him to them. They were greatly pleased and agreed to give him money. So he consented and began to look for an opportunity to betray him to them when no crowd was present. — Luke 22:3-6

Every day of Holy Week is marked with special events of Jesus’ life, and Holy Wednesday is no different. After Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, his cursing of the fig tree on Holy Monday, and his Olivet Discourse on Holy Tuesday comes Holy Wednesday.

“ONE OF THE TWELVE, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, ‘What will you give me if I deliver him to you?’ And they paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray him”(Mt 26:14-16).

Judas Iscariot had been personally chosen by Christ. Alongside Jesus, he could have been as joyful as the others, and become one of the pillars of the Church. However, he chose to sell, at the price of a slave, the one who gave him everything. And it was God’s will that Holy Scripture should not silence this fact.

The tragic outcome takes place at the Last Supper, when Jesus is assailed by the anguish of the approaching Passion and the heartbreak of abandonment by those he loved. When they were at supper, he said, “Truly I say to you, one of you will betray me” (Mt 26:21). The other eleven apostles, with experience of their own failings and great trust in Christ’s words, exclaimed in surprise: “‘Is it I, Lord?’ He answered, ‘He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me, will betray me. The Son of man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.’ Judas, who betrayed him, said, ‘Is it I, Master?’ He said to him, ‘You have said so’” (Mt 26:22-25).

We do not know what Judas must have felt when he looked into Jesus’ eyes again. He would have discovered no anger there. Jesus was still looking at him with the same love with which he had called him a few years earlier to be an disciple. “What can we do before a God who served us even when he experienced betrayal and abandonment? We cannot betray what we were created for, not abandon what really matters. We are in the world to love him and others. The rest passes away, love remains.”[1]

JUDAS’S BETRAYAL began much earlier. First, Judas criticized Mary of Bethany’s apparent waste in anointing Jesus with precious ointment, a few days before the Passover.

But here’s the grace of God: Nothing we do nor any human weakness, is strong enough to overcome the love of a God who calls each person constantly and who always awaits our return. Saint Josemaría saw in God’s way of being, so full of mercy, our true armor: “We all have shortcomings. But these defects of ours should never lead us to turn our back on God’s call, but to take refuge in it, to clothe ourselves in this divine goodness, as the warriors of old clothed themselves in their suit of armor.”[2]

Saint Augustine, specifically referring to Judas Iscariot, said: “After he betrayed Him, and repented of it, if he prayed through Christ, he would ask for pardon; if he asked for pardon, he would have hope; if he had hope, he would hope for mercy.”[3]

Our Lord didn’t want Judas to perish, just as he does not want anyone to perish. Even in his own arrest he tries to bring him to his senses, calling him “friend” and accepting the disciple’s kiss.

Commenting on this Gospel passage, Saint Josemaría said: “Look how great the virtue of hope is! Judas recognized Christ’s sanctity, and repented of the crime he had committed. So much so that he took the money that was the price for his treason and threw it down in front of those who had given it to him as his reward for his betrayal. But he lacked hope, which is the virtue needed to return to God. If he had had hope, he still could have been a great apostle. In any case, we don’t know what took place in the heart of that man, whether he responded to God’s grace in the last moment. Only God knows what happened in his heart. So never lose hope, never despair, even though you have done the most foolish thing possible. All you have to do is speak out, repent, and let yourself be led by the hand, and everything will be put right.”[4]

I would venture to say we have all had moments where we questioned our salvation. At times, perhaps you’ve wondered if your offenses were simply too great for God’s forgiveness. Hear these words. No matter how great our offenses, God’s mercy is always greater. “Fear and shame, which stop us from being sincere, are the greatest enemies of our perseverance. We are made of clay; but if we speak clearly, the clay acquires the strength of bronze.”[5]

The shadow of the cross grows darker as we draw closer. His sacrifice is the complete culmination of our faith. Yes, this week continues to get darker but the Hope of the world is about to prove once and for all that Light still shines!

[1] Francis, Homily, 5 April 2020.

[2] Saint Josemaría, Letters 2, no. 47a.

[3] Saint Augustine, Commentary on Psalm 108, no. 9.

[4] Saint Josemaría, Notes from his preaching, 8 December 1968.

[5] Saint Josemaría, Letters 2, no. 41a.

Holy Tuesday

30 Tuesday Mar 2021

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And as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came, and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with the Nazarene, Jesus.” But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you mean.” And he went out into the gateway and the rooster crowed. And the servant girl saw him and began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” But again he denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.” And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. —Mark 14:66-72

Why did Peter deny Jesus? He was the rock, the first to follow Jesus, leaving so much behind to walk the uncertain road of discipleship. He had witnessed incredible miracles as his Master healed the sick, cast out demons, and even raised the dead. Peter had a front row seat to the miracle of the transfiguration. And he had even walked on water. So why did Peter deny Jesus?

Fear.

Fear is the four-letter word that causes us to lock our doors. It’s why we keep a light on in the middle of the night. It prevents us from reaching for our dreams or from reaching out to others in love. Fear cripples our souls and binds our hearts. It locks us in prison and throws away the key. In fearful moments, all we think of is how to protect ourselves, perhaps at any cost.

Peter was no different than we are when faced with fear. All that he had hoped seemed to be crumbling before him. The one he believed to be the Messiah, the Savior of Israel, was now arrested. Jesus’ death seemed certain, and with his death the end of Peter’s reason for living.

Add to that the overwhelming sense of seeing his powerful Teacher so helpless must have confused Peter. Why didn’t Jesus just call down a legion of angels? Why did the one with the power to still the storm not use that power now? And if Jesus was helpless to defend himself, what did that mean for Peter? How could he escape a fate like that of Jesus…arrest, abuse, execution?

In fear, Peter did what he swore he would never do. He denied Jesus Christ, not once, but three times, just as Jesus had promised. Fear had overtaken Peter.

Though you may say you would never deny Jesus, I would challenge you to examine yourself. Truth be told, I think we’ve all denied Jesus for the simple reason of fear.

Have you felt like you were supposed to do something, but then you chickened out because you were afraid? Have you known what it’s like to downplay the significance of your faith in some conversation because your were afraid of offending someone?

What is the antidote to such fear? Trusting God. It’s believing the Word of Christ. It’s experiencing the perfect love of God that casts out fear. In today’s world, Christians must battle against fear faithfully. We must learn to fully trust God and not the world. Jesus spent Holy Tuesday avoiding traps and teaching. The priests set four traps for Jesus, the first questioning His authority, to which He answered with a question and then taught three parables: The Parable of the Two Sons, The Parable of the Tenants, and The Parable of the Wedding Banquet. The second trap challenged Jesus’ allegiance, the third trap attempted to ridicule Jesus’ belief in resurrection, and the fourth Jesus answered by claiming God’s greatest command to be “Love.”

Jesus knew what was coming but he didn’t walk through Holy Week in fear. His life was in God’s hands. That was all he needed to know.