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Lord, have mercy…

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Your Tears Matter

22 Monday Jul 2024

Posted by Janean Tinsley in My Story. My Faith., Pain

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faith, God, Jesus, Jesus Christ, mental health, pain

I was sitting in a local coffee shop recently waiting for a friend to arrive. There were several people there laughing and chattering. As I took in my surroundings, I noticed that in between the loud laughter, they would lean in to share with one another. And on their faces, in the midst of the whispers, was an etching of pain. I could see it because I felt it, too. Not long after my friend, she asked me, “So, how are you doing really?” The lean in happened and then the tears started to fall. I can’t even tell you where they came from but in that moment, I felt both relieved and ashamed. I’m the counselor. I’m the one who has the answers. I’m the pastor. I’m the carrier of everyone else’s pain.

There is a lot of pain in the world right now. I know this isn’t surprising to anyone but seriously, there is a lot of pain. One person after another comes to me expressing pain so deep they can’t articulate it. And it too often leaves them feeling invisible, alone, forgotten.

But guess what? God sees your tears. And He sees mine, too.

I believe God put Psalm 56 in the Bible for people who feel forgotten in their pain. This Psalm says that every tear David has cried, God has placed in a bottle. It’s this intimate imagery that God is near in our hurt. The God of the universe, hearing millions of prayers at any given time, is aware of every tear that leaves your eyes.


PSALM 56:8-11

You have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, I shall not be afraid.

Just let that sink in for a moment. There is not a single drop that has fallen from your eye that God has not seen. Ever. Every burden, painful moment, and anxiety you have faced, God knows about it.

WHY WOULD GOD CARE?

Are you one of those people who thinks crying is a sign of weakness? Maybe you heard as a child to “stop crying.” Or, “big boys/girls don’t cry.” If crying is wrong, why do we do it? Why would God create a body so intricately made, with such amazing abilities, to have tears?Why would God create a physical response to coincide with our emotions? I think He doesn’t want us to be alone.

When I was crying on my friend’s shoulder, she wasn’t telling me to be quiet, suck it up, or that it would be okay. She just sat in the silence with arms outstretched. It was as if God Himself were there in that moment holding on. There’s a scene in the 4th season of The Chosen when Thomas is about to lose his mind in grief and Jesus is standing there. Thomas looks up and it’s as if the entire world melted away as he fell into Jesus’s arms. No words just love. It’s a beautiful scene depicting the love we can feel from God.

Think about how difficult pain is when you are alone in it. We all secretly crave for someone to walk with us in our pain; to simply be there in the midst of the heartache. But too often we try to hide it from the very people God has sent to be a support system. But it’s our tears that communicate what we often can’t say: “I need help. I need love. I need a hug.” If they speak of our pain to those around us, how much more do they speak to God?

I think Psalm 56 is important because we need to know that God isn’t a god of just words. He is a God of action. He says, “I not only see that you have pain, I am going to keep a record of it because you are that important to me.”

Is there any other god that people worship who love like that? NO! Our God tells us that He is aware of every tear we cry. And every tear we suppress because of some silly idea that we aren’t supposed to shed tears because it’s silly, weak, or foolish is simply preventing us from fully feeling the love of God through those He sends on our path.

BUT DOES HE REALLY HEAR

God is not oblivious to the brokenness in our heart. He is not apathetic to our pain; those moments when we cry out that it’s not supposed to be this way or that way. He doesn’t pick and choose which struggle or pain He will walk with us through. He’s there for it all because He understands. Because Jesus felt the hurts we feel. (Hebrews 4:13-16)

Jesus was sometimes lonely.

Jesus experienced abandonment from God on the cross.

Jesus felt the overwhelming anxiety in the garden when he was sweating blood.

Jesus lived day after day with people who doubted who He was, constantly being misunderstood.

Jesus wept at the loss of his friend, Lazarus.

In God, we do not have a king who is so lofty and above our difficulties that He scoffs at our tears with disdain. No, we have a King who has descended into the pain with us. You do not cry alone.

Jesus hears you. He sees you. He weeps with you. We have his promises to comfort us and to help us trust in the Lord when it is difficult to see the reasonings and the whys. And for those of us who know the Lord as our personal savior, when we take our final breath, we will hear with our own ears and feel on our own faces, the gentle hands of God, wiping away our tears—

Revelation 21:3-5

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

Photo Credit: Marina Pechnikova on Pexels.com

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What’s Wrong With The World?

29 Monday Aug 2022

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health

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fear, Jesus Christ, mental health, pain

grayscale photo of woman covering her face by her hand
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com

Do you ever just find yourself looking at the world around you and think, “What in the world is happening?” It seems as if everything is just off. What used to roll off the backs of people now sets them off. The things that glued us to the news, we are now numb to it. People are more agitated, fearful, distrusting, and isolated than ever before. And we all feel it.

But what about our kids? How are they coping?

In a word… poorly.

According to CDC statistics released in March 2022:

  • More than 1 in 3 high school students experienced poor mental health during the pandemic.
  • Nearly half of students felt persistently sad or hopeless.
  • Two-thirds said they had difficulty with understanding or concentrating on schoolwork.
  • More than half of students experienced emotional abuse in their home.
  • A quarter of teens struggled with hunger.
  • Female students were more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide compared to male students.
  • 19.9% of students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and 9.0% had attempted suicide.

While it’s true that so many people young and old are struggling more mentally than before the pandemic, it’s the youth who seem to be a more steady decline. Before COVID-19, suicide was already reported as the second-leading cause of death among people aged 10–34, and the CDC reported that youth mental health was already declining. But since the start of the pandemic, the state of youth mental health has undoubtedly worsened.

How Did We Get Here?

Between the constant comparisons and challenges to keep up with the pressure to perform on social media; the expectation of being “always on” that comes with technology, instantaneous communication and troubling news cycles; the lack of God and His word within the home and/or school; and the isolation, uncertainty, and trauma and grief that have come from an unprecedented global crisis… Young people today are being challenged in ways we couldn’t believe.

For lack of a better way to say it, our youth are in a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, the way youth respond to their emotional situation is often difficult to predict. Some act out in violence, seeking attention in ways that are completely out of their normal behavior. Some become hypervigilant, fearful of making a mistake, leaving their safe spaces, or making friends. Others might isolate, withdrawing from family, friends, and things they love. Let’s face it, in more instances than we care to accept, our kids feel more safe in their rooms on a computer screen than out in the “real world.” We did that to them. We took away their schools, their friends, their church, their extracurricular activities and stuffed them in their rooms while we spiraled into our fear-based abyss. And even though we have begun to see a bit of normalcy in our daily choices, our kids don’t know how to step back into a world with face-to-face interactions. It’s a lot. And too often we say to them, “Just suck it up. You’re young; you can handle it.”

Reality check … they can’t handle it! They don’t know how and we aren’t helping them. So they do what they know… they learn from us. If you are an adult who doesn’t talk about your feelings, neither will your kids. If you act out in violence, so will your kids. If you don’t pray to God, neither will your kids. Our youth are looking to us for leadership. They want to know how to handle things and we simply are letting them down because WE aren’t handling things well at all.

The Church Response

Recently, a 14-year-old said to me, “Is there anywhere we can go where we feel safe and can just be kids?”

That question nearly crushed me. Because the truth is that there is no where any of us can go in this world and not be touched by evil in some way. It’s infiltrated our homes, churches, schools, businesses, governments, sports… the list goes on and on. Evil is something humankind has encountered since the Garden of Eden. And the only response to evil is God.

I can’t help but wonder where our churches are because they aren’t stepping up. As a whole, churches have dropped the ball on the basic premise of providing hope to the hurting world through the spreading of the Gospel. Churches have become, instead, a place of entertainment, political activism, and acceptance of sin. We can’t accept this any longer as Christians. When we said yes to Jesus Christ’s invitation to eternal salvation, we also agreed to the Great Commission: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

Our kids are desperately seeking hope because they are living in a hopeless world. If we don’t share with them “to obey everything [Jesus has] commanded” we are complicit in the suicides, school shootings, gang violence, pornography, unwanted pregnancies, gender confusion, bullying, and more. It’s their blood on our hands if we stay quiet about the very thing they need to know most… sin. Sin is what separates us from God. If we don’t know what the sin is, how can we ever expect to grow close to Him to have the very hope we are most seeking?

What can you do?

Listen. Stop trying to talk AT your kids or simply brushing their concerns aside as if they’re not important. Really listen to your kids. Create a space in your day when you put your phone down, turn off the TV, and just listen to your child. What was great about their day? What wasn’t so good? Why? How are they doing? Is there something they are struggling with? These are just a few questions parents can ask and then just really listen to their answers. If more parents did this, more young lives would be saved.

Make God important in your life. If your kids see you studying the word of God, praying, attending church, and spending time with others studying God’s word, they will see how important that relationship is in their own life. But if your priorities do not show God at the top every day, then neither will your kids. God is always there but the relationship can only happen if you nurture it.

Set boundaries. Believe it or not, kids prefer rules over free-range parenting. God set a clear boundary with Adam and Eve and they broke it. We are still paying for those consequences. Set clear boundaries with your kids. Be nosey about their electronic communications. Don’t let them stay behind a closed bedroom door all the time. Monitor their friends. Be the parent! The friendship comes once they are adults.

Ask for help. Believe it or not, parents don’t know everything. Not only that, but as a parent, you are more invested in your child than anyone else in the world so it’s sometimes difficult to be unbiased when they are going through things. That’s why therapists exists! We are the unbiased professionals trained to help people navigate difficult situations. There is no shame in talking to someone. In fact, seeing a therapist is as normal as seeing a physician. So, if your child is struggling, ask if they would like to talk to a therapist. And if they come to you can say they want to go to counseling, applaud them for taking an active role in their mental health and then act upon their request. And vet the therapist. I love it when parents want to meet with me. You’re trusting your child with someone so you need to know who it is. If you want Christian counseling, make sure the therapist follows scripture. If you need a trauma specialist, ask for their experience working with trauma. Ask questions and then make a decision.

It is easy to throw statistics and what-ifs at you. But it’s the kids we have to really focus on. Our youth are lost and we are the ones who are supposed to be guiding them. It’s time to step up and do the hard work. If you know of a young person struggling, please reach out to First Step Counseling. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call 988. Someone is available 24-hours a day to help you. You are not alone.

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Betrayal Trauma and the Church

10 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health, My Story. My Faith., The Church

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Jesus Christ, mental health, The Church, trauma

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.– Psalm 34:18

person hand reaching body of water
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When violence, physical or emotional, is witnessed or perpetuated against someone, trauma is often the outcome. The spirit and sense of one’s very being become crushed.

For Christians, of course, trauma is of great concern.  Jesus came to heal and to bring justice, as well as to invite us into his perfect eternal kingdom, where pain and sadness no longer exist. Jesus is the one who takes dead things and brings them to life:

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes (Revelation 7:17).  

We are promised life through living water.

Therefore, all the sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and violence all around us are opportunities for our faith to provide a haven. They are also opportunities for the church to be an incubator where the very being of our personhood might come back to life again. Unfortunately, trauma is often ignored or hidden, even in the church.

Approximately 60% of the US population has experienced at least one traumatic event and 1 out of 3 will develop PTSD. It is highly likely you or someone you know has experienced trauma: physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual.

As a Clinical Certified Trauma Professional, I spend my days walking with men, women, and children who have experienced some type of trauma. There is one type of trauma that I am seeing more of that people may not be as familiar with—betrayal trauma.

If someone close to you has ever broken your trust, you’ve probably felt the sting of betrayal. Regardless of the infraction, betrayal can leave wounds. But betrayal trauma goes a step further, leaving deep wounds that can feel impossible to heal because you’ve been betrayed by someone or group you trust. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone’s trust. Betrayal trauma may occur alongside things like gaslighting and lead to anxiety and depression. However, through the grace of God and good therapy you can heal from this trauma.

Types of Betrayal Trauma

There are four different types of betrayal trauma.

  • Parental: When a parent or caretaker, someone you depend on for your needs to be met, abuses you or fails to protect you from harm.
  • Intimate Partner: When the person doing the betraying is your intimate partner. This can take place when your partner is having an emotional affair or a physical affair. If one of the partners has an active sexual addiction, there is often betrayal present.
  • Institutional: When an institution impacts you in a way that is in direct opposition to what they portray themselves to be or their stated mottos and goals. This can also occur when the institution protects the perpetrator instead of supporting the victim or “whistleblower.” This may include a religious institution, educational institution, the military, healthcare systems, etc.
  • Interpersonal: When a trusted friend, peer, or individual betrays your trust.

Betrayal trauma occurs when a person or an organization that you depend on goes outside your expectation of them in a way that is hurtful to you. The amount of trauma caused has to do with the impact on you. If your car gets rear-ended in traffic, your level of trauma may not be as profound as if you were to find out that your spouse of 20 years has been carrying on an affair with your best friend.

Betrayal trauma is the trauma that results from betrayal by a trusted person or institution. Betrayal trauma theory seeks to understand how an individual will interpret that betrayal and store it in his or her memory. This theory predicts that the more necessary a person or institution is deemed to be in a person’s life, the more likely there will be an “unawareness” or “blindness” to that betrayal. Third party observers are often left wondering, how can they not see what is happening?

We can’t blame those who are the victims of this type of trauma because too often they are unable to see it until the pain is too profound, and the damage is done. But, as Christians, we can do much more than we currently are to help in the healing process.

How can the church be The Church?

1. Be a caring community.

There is one fundamental way in which the church as the Body of Christ can be critical partners to the mental health community in a survivor’s healing journey. Trauma survivors need to be seen, valued, and connected to a caring community. The church is called to be the living body of Christ, and that is spiritual work. Because trauma survivors need to feel safe, the church commits itself to provide shalom love and gracious hospitality.

Any kind of trauma changes the body so that the traumatic experience gets trapped inside a person. The church can create an environment that gives the individual body a chance to heal.  The church and her leaders need to learn to be listeners, receiving the stories of trauma survivors. Just simply listening and bearing witness to the truth of another’s experience is a significant step in the healing process.

It’s not easy to be a listener. It can feel very heavy. But we must remember that Christ’s Light is unquenchable—and darkness can not overcome it. And that is the gift the church can give back to those in need.

2. Refuse to excuse or explain away abusive power.

Every church should develop policies that assure no tolerance for any type of sexism, abuse, or bullying. The church should have the highest ethic for treating people with respect and have the highest motivation for protecting the vulnerable. When we, as Christians, live our lives reflecting our beliefs, we become a true refuge. If we show tolerance of evil, either through our actions or words, we perpetuate the trauma and potentially drive someone away from God.

3. Have a relationship with the mental health community.

Churches that are advocates for trauma survivors preach the Gospel and have a collaboration with mental health experts. There are many things churches are good at, but mental health counseling is not one of them. Too often, spiritual leaders step out of their lane into areas they need to refer out. But when a church finds good Christian therapists who are clinically licensed, they are exhibiting the love of Christ but ensuring the best for the ones in need.

4. Encourage people to talk to Jesus about their pain, trauma, abuse, and healing.

It’s so heartbreaking to talk with those who have experienced betrayal trauma and they are unaware they can rely on God’s strength. Churches should encourage constant communication with God. And it’s truly quite simple to have prayers and verses available to give to those who are in need but don’t know where to even begin.

  • A trauma victim’s prayer: Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings, I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by. Psalm 57: 1
  • A trauma victim’s hope: God sustains me in a desert land, in a howling wilderness waste; God shields me, cares for me, guards me as the apple of his eye. As an eagle stirs up its nest and hovers over its young; as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions, the Lord alone guides me. Deut. 32: 10-12a 

In Colossians, Paul wrote to those who believe:

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory. (Col. 3:3-4)

The trauma survivor is not crushed. Within the survivor is a life hidden with Christ and in God. That is a powerful reminder of the hope and healing that comes from God Almighty. The church can provide sanctuary, a place hidden with Christ in God for all who have suffered from any type of trauma.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.” — Psalm 107:13-16

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In This Chair

12 Wednesday Jan 2022

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health, My Story. My Faith.

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Jesus Christ, mental health, pain

There is just something about this chair. It’s the place where a thousand tears have been shed and laughter has been shared. It’s big enough to curl up in and comfortable enough to stretch out freely. This chair is the safe place people have come to in order to heal. It’s the uncomfortable place people find themselves when they need to be challenged.

It’s tough being a therapist’s chair. It’s a lot of responsibility. It must be comfortable enough to ease someone’s anxiety. It must be strong enough to hold their burdens. It must be firm enough to hold them up when they can’t find the strength. It must be water resistant to catch all of the tears. And it must be completely silent in order to hear the desperate whisper of a broken heart.

Oh the stories this chair could share.

In this chair, people tell their therapist everything. The things they are proud of and the things that overwhelm them with shame. And while sitting in this chair, it can seem like just talking isn’t enough. Yet, on the way home, your heart feels so much better.

There’s just something about this chair.

This chair has cradled the cries of the world in its methodical rocking. And as I’ve listened to these cries, I can’t help but extend a piece of me to each fractured heart. I pray with each person that they will feel God’s presence and healing as they share, cry, laugh, and sometimes scream in the silence of their soul.

The last several weeks, this chair has worked overtime. There has been so much pain here. As I listened to a patient share immense desperation, I could feel my heart literally breaking. I think I may have even taken a quick breath just to assure myself my heart still worked. And if this is what I’m feeling, imagine what God must be experiencing. He feels all we feel; experiences all we experience.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” —Psalm 53:8

Someone asked me once why therapy worked. It’s because within each one of us we want to be known; we want to be heard. And that’s what therapy really is, in a nut shell. It’s one person choosing to see and hear another person, even in the midst of their darkest moment. And that’s what we want from God. We want to know He sees us and hears us. We want to be known to Him.

The crippling part of emotional pain is the isolation that comes with it. When we experience pain our natural tendency is to shut everyone out. Satan counts on us to isolate ourselves from those around us. If Satan can use your pain to separate you from Jesus Christ then he is doing his job because he is constantly looking to devour and deceive (1 Peter 5:8).

There is nothing worse than experiencing a painful season and feeling unseen. It is a crushing sensation to experience heartache and feel as if nobody cares. I know, because I have experienced this before. We fall victim and believe that our season of pain is so unique that nobody could ever relate to it and that nobody will ever understand why we feel how we do. And the longer we feel that way, the more isolated and hopeless we can become.

I cannot tell you the number of times that someone sitting in this chair has said, “No one can understand. No one can possibly know what it feels like to hurt this much.” Oh, sweet child, there is someone who knows.

(Jesus) began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” —Mark 13:33

Jesus Christ, Emmanuel (God With Us), was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He was so deeply distressed and troubled that His sweat turned to blood. For us to ever think that our Lord and Savior cannot comprehend what we are going through is completely wrong.

Jesus knows all about pain and He knows your pain. He knows your depression. He knows your misery. He knows your thoughts. He knows your secret guilt. He knows your deepest fears. He knows you fully. Jesus is relational. He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He heals and binds our wounds (Psalm 147:3). He is faithful and will do what He says (1 Thessalonians 5:24). Jesus is the epitome of love (1 John 4:8), He is forgiving (Matthew 18:21-35), slow to anger, gracious, and compassionate (Nehemiah 9:17). Jesus Christ, the Highest Priest and the only Savior of mankind, is all we need. In Him, there is freedom (Galatians 5:1).1

With all of the pain, self-doubt, desperation, and hopelessness that finds its way in this chair, I pray that each person also experiences the profound healing of Jesus Christ. I pray they know that God’s mercy is greater than anything the world can give. I long for each broken heart to be filled with the healing of the Holy Spirit. If you don’t feel like you can talk to God, find a chair. I promise that if it’s a good chair, you’ll have a good listener.

1Marcus Donaldson, God Knows Your Pain, 2019

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Time To Return

23 Monday Aug 2021

Posted by Janean Tinsley in My Story. My Faith., The Church

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faith, Jesus Christ, mental health

light dawn people table
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Therefore, the Lord proclaims:
If you return to me, I will take you back
    and let you stand before me.
If you utter what is worthwhile,
        not what is worthless,
    you will be my spokesman.
They will turn to you,
    not you to them!
— Jeremiah 15:19

Wait. What did he just say?

“If you return to me…”

Why have I never heard this verse before? And why now?

I was sitting in church, only our second visit to this particular one, and the words uttered by the pastor seemed to scream at me. “If you return to me…” It wasn’t a coincidence. I actually don’t believe in them. It was a direct word from God to the core of my soul. At that moment, those words were meant for me and me alone. I felt that a spotlight was shining down on me, calling me to once again take my rightful place as a spokesman for God. Now the answer was up to me.

“If you return to me…”

To say I can be stubborn would not be completely off base. But I didn’t really consider that I was stubborn with God. I actually thought I was rather obedient. But the light had definitely been turned on to highlight my sinful ways. The truth is, I didn’t realize I had ever left God. Clearly, I had.

I was called to ordained deacon ministry many years ago for those who may not be familiar with my backstory. Coming from the Greek word diákonos (διάκονος), my calling was to mimmick that of Phoebe and Stephen, as a messenger or servant of God.

What exactly was my calling? It was mental health counseling, specifically as a Biblical counselor. Sometimes it would be in an office setting. Other times, it would be in another country. It was often trauma-related, and always spiritual. I was mandated by God to not only share the Gospel, but to also Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. — Matthew 28:19-20 I was called to deliver the message to those in need that their healing could only come from Jesus Christ.

Because of the uniqueness of my call, God set me apart to live a higher standard, thus, ordaining me before Himself and the Church. I had absolutely no desire to be ordained. But God wouldn’t leave me alone. From the time I was a young girl, I fought with God about my life and what I would do with it. Even after obtaining my mental health license, God continued to convict me in my work. I would offer people secular tools to deal with their problems, knowing in my heart that I was denying them the one thing that could ultimately heal them. In the end, I surrendered to God, knowing the tremendous amount of pressure I would face the moment I said, “yes.” Backlash from the mental health community. Isolation from peers.But most of all, I knew what it would mean on my eternal soul.

My dear brothers and sisters, don’t be so eager to become a teacher in the church since you know that we who teach are held to a higher standard of judgment. — James 3:1

After saying yes, I felt like the world took over. As with all of human history, man and God collided. I stayed quiet as I was ushered by the local church into the pulpit rather than supported within the true nature of my calling. I began to fill a role as preacher and administrator in order to please those I admired. As a consequence, God’s desire for me as His servant took a backseat in my life. This was the reality of my existence for seven years.

But God.

Oh how precious those two words are. But God intervened when I cried out to Him to rescue me from a place I didn’t really know how to escape. Leaving the local church was awful. There is no other way to say it. But it should have been freeing. Unfortunately, I focused so much on the pain that I had no room to see the freedom. And somewhere along the way, I left God. I left Him.

I never stopped believing. I never stopped loving Him or desiring Him. But I stopped being with Him. I stopped seeing Him in my life. He was there but kept at a distance. All the while, my mental health practice was growing.

I would have patients tell me that God spoke to them through me and still I didn’t reach to Him. I witnessed miraculous healing from traumas and grief. I heard many stories of newfound faith after working with me. And still, I neglected Him.

The truth be told, I was living out my true calling while ignoring the strength of my savior. No wonder I was so tired all of the time. No wonder I was so empty.

If you return to me, Janean…

So there I was, sitting in a new church and all eyes were on me as the Lord called me out. Okay, maybe the eyes of those within the building weren’t on me but I can tell you that the angels were collectively holding their breath as they awaited my answer.

So don’t be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, or of me his prisoner. Instead, share in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God. — 2 Timothy 1:8

There it was. The mandate from God, placed on my heart. It was time to pick it back up obediently and be as Christ commanded me to be. I am called as a deacon in the Church. I am to work alongside those suffering in this temporary world, pointing them to the salvation promised by Jesus Christ. I am to sacrifice my comforts, my wants, and my will for His alone. I am to share in the suffering of others for the sake of the gospel, relying on the power of God. What about you? God calls each of us in very unique and intentional ways. We don’t get to pick and choose how we are to serve. God chooses for us. Are you obedient? Or, are you ready to return to Him?

But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that the entire message would be preached through me and so all the nations could hear it. — 2 Timothy 4:17

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Freedom from Food

16 Friday Apr 2021

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health, My Story. My Faith.

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Tags

Jesus Christ, mental health, pain

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. — Song of Solomon 4:7

Last September I wrote a blog about my struggle with my weight. I really thought I was ready to make a change when I wrote that piece. But I wasn’t. The depression I was in was simply too strong and I felt helpless. To make it worse, I had made my struggle public so now everyone knew I was … fat. Everyone knew I chose food over God as my comfort. Everyone knew I was weak. …And the pounds kept coming.

But sometimes change comes when we least expect it. February 6 was nothing extraordinary. I was on social media in a … shoe group page (don’t judge me). I had posted a pair of shoes for sale and a lady quickly nabbed them up. We started chatting about the final details and I noticed her email address said, “health coach.” So, I asked her about it and she shared her weight loss journey.

Two days later, I contacted her to get started … and I haven’t looked back. It was hard at first but then something changed. I started seeing food as a gift from God rather than His replacement. I found Jesus Christ IN the weight loss.

FREEDOM

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. — Galatians 5:1

Scripture tells us to embrace the freedom that comes from faith in Jesus Christ. But for some reason I struggled living into that freedom. And food gave me an excuse to be even more enslaved. I had tried so many diets but the strictness of them created an unrealistic set of laws I was unable to follow. So Christ has truly set us free. How could I have forgotten?!!

I was so busy trying to eat the “right” thing, and look the “right” way and yet all I did was fail. When we receive the freedom in Christ from diets and sizes and self-imposed judgment, we can finally hear His voice about how to eat.

LISTEN

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. — John 10:27

Because of the debt Jesus paid on our behalf, we are free from staying in our sins. Instead, once we say yes to Jesus, we are adopted into the kingdom of Heaven. That means we can hear His voice. Christ refers to Himself as our Shepherd. And do you know what shepherds do? They take care of their sheep! That includes providing food. Making sure we are well-fed is on the top of our Shepherd’s priority list! Listen for His voice, and trust that he is leading us where our needs will be met!

GLORIFY GOD

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. — 1 Corinthians 10:31

When I was using food to medicate my depression, I was not glorifying God. I failed to glorify Him in body and in spirit. But praise be to God, I am no longer bound by those ways. I have lost 20 pounds. I see food as fuel given by God. And in return, I praise Him for the health I have been given. We go to God for many things in our lives. But we often neglect to go to God for our daily needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:19

My journey is not over but today food is no longer my enemy.

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The Beauty of Darkness

31 Sunday May 2020

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health

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Tags

depression, Jesus Christ, mental health, Suicide

Depression and the power it holds

May is mental health awareness month. It really couldn’t have fallen on a more perfect time in 2020. As the pandemic continues, and people are growing more and more weary of staying home, the importance of mental health care takes a front row seat. I know for me, personally, the pandemic has definitely exacerbated feelings of hopelessness and isolation. But more on me later.

Mental health has consistently had a bad wrap in society and has throughout history. The stigma associated with such illnesses as depression and anxiety has had far-reaching consequences in our history. In Biblical times depression was viewed as a spiritual rather than a physical condition. Like other mental illnesses, it was believed to be caused by demonic possession. As such, it was dealt with by priests rather than physicians, according to an article in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine. As time went on, treatment would vary from exorcisms to physical beatings. In many cases, those suffering from depression or anxiety (and other mental illnesses) were either locked away, branded as demon possessed, given lobotomies, or even put to death.

Although we have come a long way from those barbaric treatments and beliefs, those suffering from depression and anxiety still find themselves shunned, ignored, and alone. Why? Because often they do not know what is wrong in order to seek help. For that reason, they exhibit signs of irritability, isolation, sadness, and anger. Quite frankly, it’s difficult to be around someone who acts as though they don’t want you around. It’s a catch-22 for the sufferer. It’s a “leave me alone but please don’t go” tug-of-war in their minds.

What is depression? It is defined​ as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of depressed mood or sadness and the often profound loss of interest in things that usually bring you pleasure. It affects how you feel, think, and behave and can interfere with your ability to function and carry on with daily life.

Most people will experience some time of depression in their lifetime. In fact, there are seven different types of depression.

  1. Major Depressive Disorder or Clinical Depression.
  2. Persistent Depressive Disorder.
  3. Bipolar Disorder.
  4. Postpartum Depression.
  5. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
  6. Seasonal Affective Disorder.
  7. Atypical Depression.

During this pandemic, I have found that many of my clients are exhibiting some form of depression. For some, this is the first time they have experienced a prolonged onset of these symptoms. It can be frightening if you are unaware what is happening and why. That is why it is so incredibly important to be honest about your thoughts and feelings to those around you. Often it’s those closest to you who can see the pain you are in even when you can’t.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. In fact, you can read about my anxiety in an earlier blog. Today, however, I would like to focus on depression and my personal experience. Before I begin to share my story, I need to state upfront that there are some things which might be a trigger for some people. If you are feeling hopeless and are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please call the the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor.

As a little girl I can remember having moments of deep sadness. As I think about those times, I am unable to really pinpoint anything specific that would have caused such sadness. I would desperately want to be included with other children but also would shy away from the very ones I wanted to be with.

I would lay in my bed at night, convinced that I was going to die. I would do everything in my power to stay awake because I was certain that once I drifted off to sleep, I would never wake up. On one particular night, I became so distraught at the thought of dying, I woke my parents up in a complete emotional state. I can vividly remember trying to explain the hopelessness I had but unable to do so.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I would often find places to disappear to so I could cry. I didn’t want anyone to know just how much I was struggling. In my middle school years, suicide became a real alluring thought because I was so deeply surrounded in darkness. Thankfully, my parents recognized the sadness as something that was growing more and more out of control so they stepped in and took me to a counselor.

High school was no walk in the park. My depression increased into uncontrolled anxiety. I spent a crazy amount of time trying to be someone other than myself, hoping beyond hope that one of the personas I put on would give me a release from the prison I was constantly in.

The sadness, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and exhaustion became close friends through the years. I learned to accept them as just part of my thinking and actually found some kind of sick comfort in their presence. I found relief through the tears and the pain in my soul seemed to invite me into a place I didn’t understand but didn’t push away, either. This would continue through my young adult life.

Fast forward a few years. I met my husband. We married and had a child. We had a good life. And yet, behind the perfectly decorated front door, I was a mess. I would fly off the handle for no reason then sink into a deep grief over my words. I wasn’t sleeping and my headaches were increasing. On one particular after, my husband and I were in the car and I was saying something that was biting in nature and he turned to me saying, “You need medication.” I was so hurt. But more than hurt, I knew he was right.

It would take a few more months before I finally listened and had a visit with my doctor. He was so kind and there was absolutely no judgment when I told him my needs. Why had I waited so long to get help?! After that, I spent a few years feeling relatively at peace. I would have the occasional sinking spell but nothing like I had been experiencing. Unfortunately, the bottom dropped out and all of that changed.

My husband and I went through a three year stretch where we were anything but at peace. Job loss, moving, financial woes, illness… it was tough. And because of the difficulties we were experiencing, I decided to try to save money where I could. We didn’t have medical insurance so I stopped my antidepressant to save money.

If this is your first time reading my blog you won’t know this about me but I am a Christian. I have always known the Lord but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ until my early 30s. It was also during that time that I accepted my call to ordained ministry. This is important information because a lot of people still believe that depression is only a spiritual problem or they believe it’s only a chemical problem. I, however, believe it is both.

I absolutely believe in evil in the world and I believe that the battle of good and evil is constant. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Depression is a mighty power that dangles darkness like a golden carrot. And it’s nothing to ignore.

I really can’t properly describe the roller coaster I have ridden over the past few years. I absolutely loved life and hated life all at the same time. While privately continuing to battle these unseen evil forces, I put on a completely different face publicly.

As a pastor and a therapist, my entire existence was about helping other people. And I’m actually really good at it. I can empathize with people suffering with pain, loneliness, fear, sadness, etc. because I’ve been there. I’ve walked in similar shoes. So I have given my all to helping those who need help and I’m proud to have been chosen by God to do that for His glory. But just like the rest of my life, I pushed down my own needs and concerns, sidelining them in lieu of focusing on others. And for over a decade, I did that without a second’s thought. But like a balloon, if you keep filling it with air, it will eventually pop.

I “popped” on March 18, 2020. I knew things were getting to a crisis point within my psyche several weeks prior but I had become so good at covering up my pain I arrogantly believed I could continue in my tailspin without consequence. I had taken a leave of absence from the ministry and was working toward expanding my counseling practice to a full-time status. I had just celebrating the opening of my new office space and had several new clients. Things on the outside were seemingly glowing. But on the inside I was sinking to a low unlike anything I had ever experienced. The unfortunate part is that it had been such a slow process I had failed to see it.

On March 18, I had a couple of clients scheduled as well as a meeting with a ministry supervisor. The meeting was supposed to be about my leave of absence. That morning when I woke, I had a headache and just a general feeling of doom. After I arrived at my office, my first client called to reschedule so that gave me a little time to do some paperwork. But I just could not concentrate. I felt like my skin was crawling and I could not sit still. My mind was racing and I could feel the tears threatening to fall at any moment.

My supervisor arrived and we began with talk about my leave, just as I anticipated. But then it turned and when it did, my world crashed. Now you must understand that I take my faith very serious and my vows to God are not up for debate. So when my supervisor informed me that I had caused harm to those I had ministered and had “lost my Christian witness”, I was devastated. I could scarcely breathe. And as I sat there, the darkness which I had been so diligently trying to keep at bay finally enveloped me and for the first time since the 7th grade, I welcomed it.

There is nothing easy about writing this but I think it is important that society stop pretending that depression shouldn’t be talked about. As we see a profound increase in depression and anxiety due to the pandemic, talking about depression and the signs are life and death necessities. We must not hide out of fear or shame.

In the moments right after my supervisor left, I sunk into a pit. And honestly, that pit seemed more safe, more loving than anything I was experiencing at the time. And it was so dark.

So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” – John 12:35

I can tell you that that moment of darkness really did leave me wondering aimlessly, not knowing where I was going. I had lost so much but up to that moment I felt as though I still had my faith and then, just like that, it was taken from me (or so I thought). I was completely hopeless, completely lost. On March 18, 2020 I said out loud, “I have no reason to live anymore. I don’t want to keep going.” And darkness grew closer, darker, and more beautiful.

By the grace of God, I immediately recognized what was happening so I went home to my husband. He didn’t ask. He didn’t need to. He just loved me and reminded me of who I am – a child of God.

It has been a very difficult but enriching stretch of time. There are things that reply in my head and I have to fight against the pull to let depression take back over. I am taking medication and seeing a therapist. I have family who love me and friends who check in on me constantly. And above all, I have a God who ensured that the Light is to never be extinguished. Not in my life and not in yours.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.” – Psalm 40:1-3

Depression is a medical condition. Depression is a spiritual condition. Depression is treatable. Depression does not define you.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms of depression, please reach out to your doctor, therapist, and spiritual advisor. Together, they can develop a treatment plan which will offer you a healthy release from the darkness that imprisons you.

Because of our God’s merciful compassion, the dawn from on high will visit us to shine on those who live in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. – Lk 1:78-79

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68 days… and counting

09 Saturday May 2020

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health, The Church

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Tags

apologetics, courage, faith, God, Jesus, mental health, sin, truth

glory to god book

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

The past two days have been a bit of a valley. Like most people I know, I’m not a fan of disappointment and it seems that disappointment has been a reoccurring theme as of late. Let me explain.

It’s been 68 days since I stepped foot in a church building. That’s 1,632 hours since I kneeled before God in a sanctuary, asking Him one last time if He was absolutely sure this was His will. (He was, by the way). 68 days.

When I walked out with my last box that day, I really didn’t have a clue what was coming. I had no idea a government shutdown of the entire country would happen just two weeks later. I had no idea that church doors would become off-limits to us throughout many states, including my own. I had no idea that I would be left in this perpetual state of emptiness for an indefinite period of time. Nope. I only knew I needed some time away.

I understand that for a lot of people, worshipping from home with their home church is not a big deal. For some people (and if you read social media it’s more like “most” people), worshipping from home is not much different than worshipping in person. In fact, several have stated that they prefer worshipping at home because it’s easier. It never occurred to me that our worship was supposed to be easy. I always thought it was supposed to be a sacrificial part of our lives. But perhaps I have been wrong. Regardless, it appears that the concept of online worshipping has become the preferred method.

It’s not my preferred method because it’s not how we were created.

In the beginning, God created man. We know that Adam was made in the image of God to glorify God. But, as Genesis tells us, God saw that man needed a companion because there was a lacking completion with just man. So God created woman and upon seeing the two together, He was pleased.

Since the beginning of time, men and women have been in communion with one another. All through scripture we are shown the importance of community with one another. Even Jesus Christ required a community – at first choosing 12 disciples to live among, teach to, and talk with. Even more impressive is the fact that Jesus didn’t pick and choose who He communed with. He was (and continues to be) available to everyone.

But here we are in 2020 and we live in the United States of America, where our Constitution absolutely guarantees our freedoms and rights and yet we are not allowed to worship together in person. And many are okay with that.

Before I get accused of not caring about the vulnerable population during this pandemic, let me state quite clearly that I absolutely do care. I also happen to believe that we are a population of people with intelligence. Just because someone is medicare age doesn’t mean they no longer have an IQ. They are quite capable of making healthcare decisions for themselves in regards to going out in public. Those who are immunosuppressed are very educated in what is safe and what isn’t for their bodies. So, stop right there if you’re getting ready to slam me about being callous or uncaring.

For those of you who live outside of Kentucky (where I live), let me just give you some insight as to where my state stands as of mid-May. Kentucky didn’t just flatten the curve, we inverted the curve. Many of our hospitals in the state are laying off massive amounts of employees (doctors and nurses included) because their beds, outpatient clinics, and same-day surgical centers are empty. In a couple of higher population areas there has been a steady amount of COVID cases but not one single instance where there wasn’t a bed or ventilator available. We did exactly what the President of the United States asked of us – we kept the hospitals from being overrun with cases. Instead, they have trickled in at a rate that is manageable.

And yet… our governor will not allow people to live within their rights as guaranteed by the Constitution. We are not allowed to attend church in person.

Ok, so let me clarify here. The governor has said churches may open their doors May 20 (that’s not a Sunday, by the way so it’s actually May 24) but with stipulations and then more stipulations. These go WAY beyond the requirements for other businesses.

No singing! Seriously, no singing.

No hugging, standing next to each other, holding hands, shaking hands, fist bumps, etc.

All family units must be 6 feet apart from other family units.

33% capacity. (So, I guess it’s a lottery system to get into church now)

No wind instruments.

Only one person at a time in a restroom and then staff must disinfect before the next person can go in.

The clergy must preach with a mask.

No coffee (because obviously we all sit around sharing each other’s coffee cups) or donuts.

No clusters of groups in one space.

No nursery.

No Sunday School.

No youth group.

Did I say no singing? Oh, yes I did. But I mean really, no singing?

This list is not complete but you get the drift. Our governor does not want us meeting in-person to worship. He is instead stomping all over our freedoms in order to show his muscle. And people are applauding his behavior, which is absolutely your right. But these “restrictions” are destroying me and many others.

Somewhere along the way, it became acceptable to trample mental health in the name of fear. It has become acceptable to watch people quickly sink in the quicksand of hopelessness and despair in the name of “protection.” It has become acceptable to watch people’s livelihoods implode in the name of health. It has become acceptable to justify suicide, violence, depression, addiction, and other mental diseases as okay as long this virus stays around. Does that make any sense? No! Having physically healthy people is useless if we become a society of mentally unhealthy people. And yet, mental disease is on the rise at a faster rate than I can fathom all because of despair.

There is only one cure for despair. Jesus Christ.

Church is more than a place to go on Sunday mornings. It SHOULD be a place to surrender all of your fears, your struggles, your doubts, and your pain. It SHOULD be a place that allows you to receive hope and encouragement while growing your appetite for a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. It SHOULD be a place where you are challenged and made to be uncomfortable in your complacency. It SHOULD be a place where you acknowledge your sins and recommit your life to God as you repent. It SHOULD be a life-changing place each and every time you walk through the doors. That was the purpose of the original church and a true Bible-teaching church still believes in that purpose today. You cannot make disciples of Jesus Christ while living in sin, hopelessness, and complacency.

The church is more essential than any business I know. It offers life-sustaining, eternity-promising, redemption-giving information that no other place is equipped to do. Yes, you can read the Bible for yourself. You can sing hymns in your home. But if that’s all that is required, why did Jesus urge his followers to join together? Why did Jesus see the importance of touch? Why did Jesus see the importance of community? Jesus wasn’t afraid to touch the leper. He wasn’t afraid to be around the demon-possessed. And he never taught us to be afraid, either. Yet, here we are… cowering in our homes afraid.

Yes, I’m disappointed. I disappointed that I don’t have a church to attend because there are none open. I’m disappointed that so many Christians are ok being just ok. I’m disappointed that it’s been 68 days and likely much much longer.

I’m sitting on my deck as I write this and thinking that it could easily become a worship space, full of people gathering together in anticipation of encountering the Holy Spirit. Perhaps it’s just what I will do, invite over a dozen or so people who, like me are desperate to live as God intends for us to live – in community together worshipping Him. I think that it’s just what people need. I know it’s what I need. I’ve said before that I am church “homeless” right now. When God directed me to leave the pulpit I was serving, my denomination as a whole left me. The emails, texts and personal confrontations have been like one assault after another It’s been eye-opening, to say the least. “Friends” are now only names of what once was. “Colleagues” see me as the enemy. Silence is profound. And yet I hear the words given to Ester and it’s as if God Himself is speaking them loudly to me right now, “If you don’t speak up now, {they} will somehow get help, but you and your family will be {destroyed}. It could be that you were made for such a time as this!”

I may be on my own. I may be without a tribe to walk with. But I believe that these words ring true … truer than any words I can cling to at this moment … I was made for such a time as this. And I will glorify my Lord.

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Talking With Young People

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health

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Tags

anxious, children, COVID-19, faith, hope, mental health, stress, youth

TIPS FOR CAREGIVERS, PARENTS, AND TEACHERS DURING INFECTIOUS DISEASE OUTBREAKS

alone black and white blur child

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

What You Should Know

*Note: I am not a child therapist. My expertise is with those 16 years of age through adult. The following information is from SAMHSA.gov. 

How do you feel right now? For some of you, there may be a sense of anxiousness. For others, fear. Perhaps even sadness, guilt, anger, or numbness. If you have a news app on your phone, do you get updates? What is your initial reaction when you hear the alert tone from your news app? These and many more responses are normal within a time such as this when things are changing daily and there seems no certainty is coming.

But what about the children and youth in your life? How are they feeling? What are they experiencing? When children and youth are exposed constantly about an infectious disease outbreak they can feel scared, confused, or anxious—as much as adults. This is true even if they live far from where the outbreak is taking place and are at little to no actual risk of getting sick. But when it seems to be in your own backyard, the resulting fear can be overwhelming for children and youth. Young people react to anxiety and stress differently than adults. Some may react right away; others may show signs that they are having a difficult time much later. As such, adults do not always know when a child needs help.

Possible Reactions to an Infectious Disease Outbreak

Many of the reactions noted below are normal when children and youth are handling stress. If any of these behaviors last for more than
2 to 4 weeks, or if they suddenly appear later on, then children may need more help coping.

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN, 0–5 YEARS OLD

The first thing to remember is that no one is exactly the same. But there are some more common responses in very young children to stress. These little ones do not have the ability to express themselves in the same way adults do. They have the words or even the understanding of what is happening within their minds. Because of this, very young children may express anxiety and stress by going back to thumb-sucking or wetting the bed at night. They may fear sickness, strangers, darkness, or monsters. It is fairly common for preschool children to become clingy with a parent, caregiver, or teacher or to want to stay in a place where they feel safe, even if they have never acted this way before. They may express their understanding of the outbreak repeatedly in their play or tell exaggerated stories about it. Some children’s eating and sleeping habits may change. They also may have aches and pains that cannot be explained. Other symptoms to watch for are aggressive or withdrawn behavior, hyperactivity, speech difficulties, and disobedience.

 Infants and Toddlers, 0–2 years old, cannot understand that something bad in the world is happening, but they know when their caregiver is upset. They may start to show the same emotions as their caregivers, or they may act differently, like crying for no reason or withdrawing from people and not playing with their toys.

 Children, 3–5 years old, may be able to understand the effects of an outbreak. If they are very upset by the news of the outbreak, they may have trouble adjusting to change and loss. They may depend on the adults around them to help them feel better.

EARLY CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE, 6–19 YEARS OLD

Children and youth in this age range may have some of the same reactions to anxiety and stress linked to infectious disease outbreaks as younger children. Often younger children within this age range want much more attention from parents or caregivers. They may stop doing their schoolwork or chores at home.

 Children, 6–10 years old, may fear going to school and stop spending time with friends. They may have trouble paying attention and do poorly in school overall. Some may become aggressive for no clear reason. Or they may act younger than their age by asking to be fed or dressed by their parent or caregiver.

 Youth and Adolescents, 11–19 years old, go through a lot of physical and emotional changes because of their developmental stage. So it may be even harder for them to cope with the anxiety that may be associated with hearing and reading news of an infectious disease outbreak. Older teens may deny their reactions to themselves and their caregivers. They may respond with a routine “I’m okay” or even silence when they are upset. Or they may complain about physical aches or pains because they cannot identify what is really bothering them emotionally. They may also experience some physical symptoms because of anxiety about the outbreak. Some may start arguments at home and/or at school, resisting any structure or authority. They also may engage in risky behaviors such as using alcohol or drugs.

How Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers Can Support Children in Managing Their Responses to Infectious Disease Outbreaks

With the right support from the adults around them, children and youth can manage their stress in response to infectious disease outbreaks and take steps to keep themselves emotionally and physically healthy. The most important ways to help are to make sure children feel connected, cared about, and loved.

 Pay attention and be a good listener. Parents, teachers, and other caregivers can help children express their emotions through conversation, writing, drawing, playing, and singing. Most children want to talk about things that make them anxious and cause them stress—so let them. Accept their feelings and tell them it is okay to feel sad, upset, or stressed. Do not make them feel that their feelings are unimportant. Crying is often a way to relieve stress and grief.

 Allow them to ask questions. Ask your teens what they know about the outbreak. What are they hearing in school or reading on social media? Try to watch news coverage on TV or the Internet with them. Also, limit access so they have time away from reminders about the outbreak. Don’t let talking about the outbreak take over the family or classroom discussion for long periods of time. Instead, discuss other things that are important in the world, in the community, and in the family.

 Encourage positive activities. Adults can help children and youth see the good that can come out of an outbreak. Heroic actions, families, and friends who assist with the response to the outbreak, and people who take steps to prevent the spread of all types of illness, such as hand washing, are examples. Children may better cope with an outbreak by helping others. They can write caring letters to those who have been sick or lost family members to illness; they can organize a drive to collect needed medical supplies to send to affected areas. There are a number of ways they can be proactive which will encourage a sense of well-being.

 Model self-care, set routines, eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, exercise, and take deep breaths to handle stress. Adults can show children and youth how to take care of themselves. If you are in good physical and emotional health, you are more likely to be readily available to support the children you care about.

 Include faith. Children and youth need to understand that hope still exists in the midst of bad things. If you suddenly stop attending church or stop praying as a family, they are going to be confused and have doubts about the goodness of God. Set a time for prayer as a family every day. Give each person a chance to lift up prayer concerns, as well as something to be joyful about. Talk about God and the hope He has promised in your everyday conversations. Find a good family Bible study or devotional and make it a priority. Encourage your children to talk to God about their feelings and give them room to do so in their own way. And if they express and anger toward God, help them see that throughout scripture, God’s chosen people had moments of anger, too.

A NOTE OF CAUTION! Be careful not to pressure children to talk about an outbreak or join in expressive activities. While most children will easily talk about the outbreak, some may become frightened. Some may even feel more anxiety and stress if they talk about it, listen to others talk about it, or look at artwork related to the outbreak. Allow children to remove themselves from these activities, and monitor them for signs of distress.

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN, 0–5 YEARS OLD

Give these very young children a lot of emotional and verbal support.

Get down to their eye level and speak in a calm, gentle voice using words they can understand.

Tell them that you always care for them and will continue to take care of them so they feel safe.

Keep normal routines, such as eating dinner together, prayer and devotion time, and having a consistent bedtime.

EARLY CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE, 6– 19 YEARS OLD

Nurture children and youth in this age group:

Ask your child or the children in your care what worries them and what might help them cope.

Offer comfort with gentle words or just being present with them.

Spend more time with the children than usual, even for a short while.

If your child is very distressed, excuse him or her from chores for a day or two.

Encourage children to have quiet time or to express their feelings through writing or art.
Encourage children to participate in recreational activities so they can move around and play with others.

Address your own anxiety and stress in a healthy way.

Let children know that you care about them— spend time doing something special; make sure to check on them in a nonintrusive way.

Maintain consistent routines, such as completing homework and playing games together.

When To Get More Help

In some instances, children may have trouble getting past their responses to an outbreak, particularly if a loved one is living or helping with the response in an area where many people are sick. Consider arranging for the child to talk with a mental health professional to help identify the areas of difficulty. If a child has lost a loved one, consider working with someone who knows how to support children who are grieving.

Helpful Resources

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
5600 Fishers Lane — Rockville, MD 20857
Toll-Free: 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727)

SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline

Toll-Free: -877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727) (English and español)
SMS: Text TalkWithUs to 66746
SMS (español): “Hablanos” al 66746

TTY: 1-800-846-8517
Website (English):
https://www.disasterdistress.samhsa.gov
Website (español): https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/disaster- distress-helpline/espanol

SAMHSA’s National Helpline

Toll-Free: 1-800-662-HELP (24/7/365 Treatment Referral Information Service in English and español)
Website: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Toll-Free: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1–800–422–4453) Website: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Toll-Free (English): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Toll-Free (español): 1-888-628-9454
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
Website (English): https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org (español): https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/en- espanol

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Website: https://www.nctsn.org

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When The Helper Needs Help

23 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by Janean Tinsley in mental health

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

COVID-19, crisis, faith, first responders, healthcare, mental health, pandemic

images

How to manage stress as a crisis responder and when to ask for help

We are in a unique time in world history, one we never actually believed would happen. Daily we hear phrases like “social distancing,” “first responders,” and “shelter in place.” It can leave us feeling uneasy, fearful, and anxiety-driven.

This is the first of a series of articles that will hopefully give some guidance to anyone needing answers, direction, and, most importantly, hope.

Crisis response workers are our modern-day heroes in this COVID-19 pandemic. These men and women include first responders (police, fire, EMTs, military), public health workers (physicians, practitioners, nurses, nurse assistants, technicians, hospital staff, mental health therapists, pharmacists, etc.), and clergy (church pastors, chaplains, pastoral care providers). They are the ones who get up every day and go to work while the rest of the world is mandated to stay at home. They are the ones who are repeatedly exposed to extraordinarily stressful situations day after day, minute by minute, placing them in harm’s way. At the end of a shift, they are expected to return home to their families, ready to do it again the next day… and each day thereafter until the crisis is deemed over.

So how do crisis response workers navigate their responsibilities to their jobs, their families, and their own wellbeing? It’s not easy. And each individual is going to be different and respond different so there is not a “one size fits all” approach. There are, however some things that can be done to bring awareness to these needs.

First, there should be a clear understanding of the challenges crisis response workers face during something like an infectious disease outbreak.

  • Increase in care demand. As the news of an infectious disease spreads, more people are going to find themselves with an overall feeling of being unwell. Fear and panic can cause symptoms to appear even when they physically do not manifest. Add to that the people who are actually sick from the disease and you find many more people are presenting themselves for care. In the early stages of an outbreak, it can feel to a healthcare provider, for instance, that they have things under control. Unfortunately, as the disease manifests, an increased number of healthcare workers become sick, causing a larger burden of care upon those who are well.
  • The ongoing risk of infection. For any of the essential workers in an outbreak, there is an ongoing risk of becoming infected because of the constant contact being made with a large number of people each day. This can present a deep sense of stress and anxiety for the workers while trying to do their jobs. Add to that, the fear of potentially exposing others including family to the disease.
  • Balancing their job and support. Crisis response workers are trained from the very beginning of their respective jobs that they not only have logistical responsibilities but they are also support systems for many people. This is never so apparent than in the midst of a crisis. This is especially true in an infectious disease outbreak for healthcare workers and clergy. In a normal situation, people seek medical answers from medical professionals; spiritual answers from clergy. In a pandemic, this is heightened. The increased number of sick is multiplied by others who are feeling emotionally unwell. It can become very difficult to manage.
  • Psychological stress. People who go into a crisis response job are not in it for the money. They are drawn to these professions because of a deep desire to help others. And by helping others, there is a great internal reward. Unfortunately, during a crisis such as a pandemic, the workers can become unequipped to process the emotions they are experiencing. They find themselves on a tightrope of emotions. Most will experience fear, anxiety, insomnia, grief, and exhaustion. But they will try to push those emotions deep inside so they can do their jobs, ultimately creating a worst-case scenario for mental health.

While the challenges are many, let’s focus on the psychological stress of the healthcare worker. Why? Because psychological stress can impact every aspect of a person’s life – physical, mental, and spiritual.

What is stress? Stress is an elevation in a person’s state of arousal or readiness, caused by some stimulus or demand. As stress arousal increases, health and performance actually improve. Within manageable levels, stress can help sharpen our attention and mobilize our bodies to cope with threatening situations. At some point, stress arousal reaches maximum effect. Once it does, all that was gained by stress arousal is then lost and deterioration of health and performance begins (Luxart Communications, 2004).

What does extreme stress look like? It can be different in everyone. First, the brain sounds an alert to the adrenal glands. The adrenals answer by pouring out the first of the major stress hormones—adrenaline—for the classic fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight response evolved with the prime directive of ensuring our safety and survival. The pulse begins to race as the adrenaline steps up the heart rate, sending extra blood to the muscles and organs. Oxygen rushes in as the bronchial tubes in the lungs dilate; extra oxygen also reaches the brain, which helps keep us alert. During this stage of the fight-or-flight response, the brain releases natural painkillers called endorphins. This phase, in which adrenaline plays a leading role, is the immediate response to stress (McEwen & Lasley, 2002). When the stress response is active for a long period of time, it can damage the cardiovascular, immune, and nervous systems. People develop patterns of response to stress that are as varied as the individuals (Selye, 1984). These responses simply suggest a need for corrective action to limit their impact (Mitchell & Bray, 1990; Selye, 1984). In other words, changes must be made so stress does not harm you or those around you.

How can you know if you are under stress?

Behavioral

  • Increase or decrease in activity level
  • Substance use or abuse (alcohol or drugs)
  • Difficulty communicating or listening
  • Irritability, outbursts of anger, frequent arguments
  • Inability to rest or relax
  • A decline in job performance; absenteeism
  • Frequent crying
  • Hyper-vigilance or excessive worry
  • Avoidance of activities or places that trigger memories
  • Becoming accident-prone

Physical

  • Gastrointestinal problems
  • Headaches, other aches, and pains
  • Visual disturbances
  • Weight loss or gain
  • Sweating or chills
  • Tremors or muscle twitching
  • Being easily startled
  • Chronic fatigue or sleep disturbances (including vivid dreams/nightmares)
  • Immune system disorders

Psychological/Emotional

  • Feeling heroic, euphoric, or invulnerable
  • Denial
  • Anxiety or fear
  • Depression
  • Guilt
  • Apathy
  • Grief

Thinking

  • Memory problems
  • Disorientation and confusion
  • Slow thought processes; lack of concentration
  • Difficulty setting priorities or making decisions
  • Loss of objectivity

Social

  • Isolation
  • Blaming
  • Difficulty in giving or accepting support or help
  • Inability to experience pleasure or have fun

(Adapted from CMHS, 2004)

Clearly, crisis response workers are under a great amount of stress on a normal day. But during a pandemic, their stress level is over the top. But there are some strategies that workers can initiate to take care of their mental health during this crisis.

First, you must meet your basic needs. Be sure to eat, drink, and sleep regularly. Becoming biologically deprived puts you at risk and may also compromise your ability to care for those around you who are depending upon your alertness. Try to eat healthy, limiting foods that make you feel sluggish. Drink lots of water while limiting soft drinks, caffeinated beverages, and alcoholic drinks. Don’t forget to take your medications properly and exercise when you can. A brisk walk outside can do wonders for your mental and physical health.

Take breaks. In other words, don’t neglect to take a sabbath. Everyone needs to take time away from the frontlines. Even Jesus took time away to rest from the constant needs of the people. The world will not implode if you step away briefly. Breaks can vary from a few moments while on duty to a full day. Give yourself a rest from tending to the needs of others. Whenever possible, allow yourself to do something unrelated to work that you find comforting, fun, or relaxing. Taking a walk, listening to music, reading a book, or talking with a friend can help. Some people may feel guilty if they are not working full-time or are taking time to enjoy themselves when so many others are suffering. Recognize that taking appropriate rest leads to proper care of others after your break. As I have said many times, you cannot pour into others when you are empty.

Connect with colleagues. Talk to your colleagues and receive support from one another. Infectious outbreaks can isolate people in fear and anxiety. Tell your story and listen to others’ stories. We were created to be in community with other people. A quarantine goes against our very nature. But it’s necessary in order to save lives. This does not mean you have to isolate yourself emotionally. Share your heart. 

Contact family and loved ones, if possible. They are an anchor of support outside your work. Sharing and staying connected may help them better support you.

Respect differences. Some people need to talk while others need to be alone. Recognize and respect these differences in yourself, those you are helping, and your colleagues. It’s very easy to compare ourselves with others and how each of us is dealing with the situation at hand. Don’t fall into that trap. You are uniquely you and that is enough. Respect each other’s differences.

Stay updated. This one is difficult because the other part of it is to limit media exposure. Clearly, we need to know what the latest in efforts, government mandates, and recommendations are. Unfortunately, these things can be hidden within negative and fear-driven messages. Rely on trusted sources of information. Participate in meetings to stay informed of the situation, plans, and events. But try to limit social media, television, and other forms of news delivery. The more you can limit these, the better for your mental health.

Self check-ins. Monitor yourself overtime for any symptoms of depression or stress disorder: prolonged sadness, difficulty sleeping, intrusive memories, hopelessness. Talk to a peer, supervisor, or seek professional help if needed. Prolonged intense stress without proper care can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Honor your service. Remind yourself that despite obstacles or frustrations, you are fulfilling a noble calling—taking care of those most in need. Recognize your colleagues—either formally or informally—for their service. Let them know you appreciate them.

Develop a buddy system. While you are often the best at determining your mental health level, sometimes crisis response workers can bury their own needs so deep they fail to recognize warning signs within themselves. During a crisis, have a “buddy” whom you trust to bring to you concerns about your behavior or self-care. And then listen! As a care “buddy”, be bold in your approach but also do it in love. If you notice your colleague withdrawing, speaking in negative talk constantly, hopeless, without spiritual support, isolating, angry, or changing dramatically in appearance, it is imperative that you bring it to their attention, as well as potentially their supervisor or family. And as always, gaining the advice of a mental health professional is important.

And finally, pray. The biggest issue that crisis response workers report is their feeling of being out of control. The truth is, within a crisis such as a pandemic, there is little that is within your control. Focus on what you can control – your actions and your reactions. You cannot control others. You cannot control the amount of work there is. You cannot control the length of time the crisis continues. But you can control your response. And that begins with prayer. God tells us from the beginning of time that He is with us, He hears us, and He answers us. Praying for the peace of mind, clarity, patience, rest, and trust can give you balance in the midst of the chaos. If you are praying for how you can fix this situation, you are setting yourself up for more stress. Trust that God is God and you are one of His instruments in this battle but you are not His only instrument. He is calling upon all of us to do this work so that our land is healed.

God appeared to Solomon that very night and said, “I accept your prayer; yes, I have chosen this place as a temple for sacrifice, a house of worship. If I ever shut off the supply of rain from the skies or order the locusts to eat the crops or send a plague on my people, and my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health. From now on I’m alert day and night to the prayers offered at this place. —2 Chronicles 7:12-15

Hotlines

Disaster Distress Helpline

Toll-Free: 1-800-985-5990
Text: “TalkWithUs” to 66746
Website: http://disasterdistress.samhsa.gov

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Toll-Free: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)
Website: http://www.samhsa.gov
This resource can be found by accessing the Suicide Prevention Lifeline box once on the SAMHSA website.

National Domestic Violence Hotline*

Toll-Free: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) TTY: 1-800-787-3224

 

References:

Adapted from “Psychological First Aid,” the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress at http://www.centerforthe studyoftraumaticstress.org and used with permission.

Center for Mental Health Services. (2004). Mental health response to mass violence and terrorism: A training manual. Rockville, MD: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Luxart Communications. (2004). The quick series guide to stress management. Ellicott City, MD: Chevron Publishing.

McEwen, B. S. & Lasley, E. N. (2002). The end of stress as we know it. Washington, DC: Joseph Henry Press.

Mitchell, J. T. & Bray, G. P. (1990). Emergency services stress: Guidelines for preserving the health and careers of emergency services personnel. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Selye, H. (1984). The stress of life (Rev. ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.

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