Tag Archives: Jesus Christ

Unbind her and let her go

23 Thursday Jul 2020

Posted by in My Story. My Faith.

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Throughout life, there are certain moments that fundamentally change you and your perspective. This could involve a relationship, a situation, or even discovering some hidden truth that unlocks new wisdom within. For me, most of these life-changing moments have come since I graduated high-school and “set out” on my own. You can’t plan these kind of moments and you have no idea when they’ll hit you. However, when they do, they make you who you are.

As you know, if you have followed my blog this year, I had a major change in my life. After 11 years in ministry in the United Methodist Church, I left that institution permanently. It was a very difficult decision, even though I knew God had directed me to walk away. Just two weeks after I gave my last sermon, Covid hit and churches, along with the rest of society, temporarily closed their doors. It was a lot of “closed doors” to process and, quite frankly, very difficult. My emotions since February 2020 have ranged from resentment to sadness to relief to emptiness and all things in between. Through it all, I kept asking God, “Why did you call me to ministry if it was just to watch it die?”

And that is the place where I have consistently sat, frustrated at God for all the schooling, the money spent, the tears shed, and the heartache felt. I knew I was called to ordained ministry. I knew I was called to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I knew I was called to make disciples and grow God’s kingdom. I knew it in the pit of soul so why, God? Why put me through it all? What was the endgame? 

Can you relate? Have you ever felt so convicted of a path in your life only to seemingly have that path, once traveled, to just end? It’s enough to leave you scratching your head and shaking your fists to the heavens. 

But then, out of nowhere, comes one of those moments. The ones that fundamentally change you from the core of your being. And that is exactly what has happened to me. 

July 12, 2020 was just an ordinary Sunday. My husband and I had plans to spend that sunny, hot day on the lake. That morning we packed our lake goods together and headed toward the marina 25 minutes away. It was still early so we decided to listen to our favorite church service online while driving. Little did I know that before that Sunday morning message reached its conclusion, I would experience spiritual transformation.

I have prepared around 350 sermons throughout my ministry career. That’s a lot of time reading scripture, researching the history, and studying commentaries. On top of that, there have been hours poured into Bible study preparations and other Biblical teaching opportunities. So, it would be easy to conclude that I would be extremely familiar with scripture. And yet, as I think most ministers would attest, God has a way of opening scripture anew every time you take time to read and study His word. 

The sermon that Sunday morning was the final in a sermon series titled The Signs of Jonah. The entire series was very interesting.  Rev. Alan Miller, the pastor, was specifically teaching on this particular Sunday about the resurrection of Lazarus. If you recall, Lazarus was very sick and his sisters, Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus asking him to come and help their brother. They knew Jesus was able to heal their brother because he had already healed others. They believed in him. But Jesus chose not to answer their request right away. Instead, he waited for four days. He waited until Lazarus died before coming to the aid of Mary and Martha. 

Once Jesus arrived, Mary and Martha were deeply saddened by the loss of their brother and understandably confused by Jesus’s delay. With exacerbated grief, Martha went to him.

“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

“Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” (John 17-27)

Jesus, … deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Unbind him and let him go.” (John 38-44)

It’s a powerful story and one that many people know and love. Packed into 44 verses is a story of love, belief, hope, grief, humanity, and divinity. I have preached on this story several times because it’s one of my absolute favorite stories within scripture. But when I heard the sermon on July 12, it was as if I was hearing these verses for the very first time. 

So what made this sermon any different?

One simple statement. 

“Martha was focused on the corpse in the tomb and not the Christ standing in front of her.” 

Y’all! Even writing it makes my heart speed up. Hear it again. 

“Martha was focused on the corpse in the tomb and not the Christ standing in front of her.”

Oh my goodness, that statement … that single moment in time … has fundamentally changed me. I sat in that car hearing the words of the sermon fall away as Jesus’s voice became audibly clear, “I’ve been right in front of you all along and you refused to see me. Trust me because I’m not finished with you yet.” 

I’m not sure if my husband picked up on my audible gasp or the tears in my eyes that I was trying to hide. But the rest of that day, while anchored in a quiet cove on Kentucky Lake, I heard the words over and over, “You refused to see me.” And I grieved. 

I grieved because I, like Martha, had become so consumed with the death of my situation with the UMC that I had failed to see the life in front of me … the life that is Jesus Christ. I failed to see the immediate because I was too focused on the what if. I was focused on the “corpse in the tomb and not the Christ standing in front” of me. I couldn’t see all the ways I was still being used to proclaim the truth of God because I was focused on the ways I no longer was being used. And I can’t help but wonder how many times I missed a holy moment because I failed to see the Christ standing right before my eyes.

The truth is, I still don’t know what is ahead for me. My counseling practice is growing and I have recently become the only Certified Clinical Trauma Professional in our region. The Holy Spirit is very present in my practice and I can feel His guidance in those sessions. I believe I am helping people and I know that a few of my clients have come to know Jesus Christ within that office. But I am certain there is more God wants of me. And I know now that I can’t say that the ministry I was called to do is dead and buried behind some stone too heavy for me to move. 

Something was happening in the tomb before they knew something was happening. Reversal was taking place. Decomposing was composing. Falling apart was being put back together. That which could not see could now see. That which could not walk could now walk. That which Christ was doing was getting ready to come out.

Rev. Alan Miller, First Missionary Baptist Church, Benton, KY

Bro. Alan said, “Jesus didn’t just resurrect Lazarus from the dead. He didn’t restore him to the state of where Lazarus was before he died. He resurrected him, healed him, and let him go.”

I believe in that life-changing moment, Jesus not only resurrected me but he healed me, he awakened me, he empowered me, and he let me go out into the world on his behalf to teach others the profound truth that is our hope. We each have a choice to make. Every day that we wake up, we have a choice to focus on the corpse of our situation or focus on the Christ. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of living in a tomb of my own making. 

“Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Unbind him and let him go.”

Lazarus was dead. He was dead. But God breathed new life into him and when Jesus called out, Lazarus was set free from the grips of death. And so can we. I look around and see the pain etched in the faces of most people I come into contact with. The world is so full of darkness and uncertainty. Our country is on the brink of civil war. Fear is underlying most of our daily actions. And grief over the life we once knew is prevailing. 

“Martha was focused on the corpse in the tomb and not the Christ standing in front of her.”

I was Martha, focusing on the corpse. I was Lazarus, bound up in a tomb. But then Jesus called out, “Unbind her and let her go.” 

…if you believe you will see the glory of God. 

The sermon begins around the 32 minute mark.

His Message, Not Ours

19 Friday Jun 2020

Posted by in The Church

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Progressive Christianity almost entirely ignores the core message Jesus Christ brought when He walked the earth 2,000 years ago.

What was His message?

It wasn’t love.
It wasn’t social justice.
It wasn’t acceptance of worldly views.

His core message was the Kingdom of God.

He pinpointed this message in the heart of the Sermon on the Mount by saying what should be the highest priority for His followers: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

Seek FIRST…

Jesus Christ’s words are clear—the Kingdom of God is to be the No. 1 focus and emphasis in the lives of His followers. In fact, it was the core of His gospel message. His gospel message was all about the Kingdom of God and what was required.

“Now after John was put in prison, Jesus came to Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.’” (Mark 1:14-15)

“Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom.” (Matthew 9:35)

At one point in His ministry, Jesus was about to leave an area where He had been preaching for some time. The people of that area tried to persuade Him not to leave. Jesus’s response: “I must preach the kingdom of God to the other cities also, because for this purpose I have been sent.” (Luke 4:42-43)

Let that sink in. …“I must preach the kingdom of God to the other cities also, because for this purpose I have been sent.”

Jesus said that one of His primary purposes for coming to earth was to preach about the Kingdom of God! That was His gospel. That was His message. That was His purpose. That is what drove and motivated Him.

When we understand the core of Jesus’s message about the Kingdom of God, we can then understand why He made the statement in Matthew 6:33: “Seek first the kingdom of God.” He tells us to seek first the Kingdom because the Kingdom of God was His primary message.

Christians must make the Kingdom of God as high a priority in their lives as it was in Christ’s life. Jesus came to set us an example of how to live, by obeying the Law as God set it. He urged us to repent of our sins. He then died for those sins and was resurrected so we can have an opportunity to be in the Kingdom of God for all eternity. That is grace!

After Jesus’s resurrection He gave us a final directive, known as The Great Commission. “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20)

Christ founded a Church to carry the message He preached while on earth. (Matthew 24:14; 28:19-20; Mark 16:15; Acts 1:3-8). The early Church faithfully followed Christ’s directive and preached the gospel of the Kingdom of God. But as time passed, false beliefs began to creep into Christianity. The apostle Paul wrote that he perceived Christians in his time were “turning away” from the true gospel to “a different gospel” (Galatians 1:6). Paul gave multiple warnings about his fear that people were abandoning true doctrines and being led astray into false teachings by false prophets (2 Timothy 2:14-18; 3:13-14; 4:1-3, 14-15).

As time has rolled on, the gospel message was changed from the Kingdom of God and repentance of sin to a message primarily about the person Jesus Christ. In other words, the Christian Church kept the name of Jesus Christ but not His message.

Jesus was very clear that claiming His name but ignoring His teachings is false worship (Luke 6:46). He wants His people to worship Him in “spirit and truth” (John 4:24).

The true gospel message of Jesus Christ is not a minor issue. Jesus connected a belief in the true gospel to repentance (Mark 1:15), and Paul warned that preaching a different gospel brings a curse (Galatians 1:8-9). Believing the true gospel is vital to your salvation!

The true gospel is the message of good news about the coming Kingdom of God. It is a message of hope. And hope is exactly what this world needs. There is so much anger in our world. So much desperation. And the Church holds the solution. But the Church has failed because we have replaced Jesus’s message with our own. Isn’t it time we start living as followers of Jesus Christ? Isn’t it time we share the true gospel? Isn’t it time we introduce Jesus Christ and his powerful message to the world?

#truegospel #JesuswasNOTapoliticalactivist #apologetics

The Beauty of Darkness

31 Sunday May 2020

Posted by in mental health

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Depression and the power it holds

May is mental health awareness month. It really couldn’t have fallen on a more perfect time in 2020. As the pandemic continues, and people are growing more and more weary of staying home, the importance of mental health care takes a front row seat. I know for me, personally, the pandemic has definitely exacerbated feelings of hopelessness and isolation. But more on me later.

Mental health has consistently had a bad wrap in society and has throughout history. The stigma associated with such illnesses as depression and anxiety has had far-reaching consequences in our history. In Biblical times depression was viewed as a spiritual rather than a physical condition. Like other mental illnesses, it was believed to be caused by demonic possession. As such, it was dealt with by priests rather than physicians, according to an article in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine. As time went on, treatment would vary from exorcisms to physical beatings. In many cases, those suffering from depression or anxiety (and other mental illnesses) were either locked away, branded as demon possessed, given lobotomies, or even put to death.

Although we have come a long way from those barbaric treatments and beliefs, those suffering from depression and anxiety still find themselves shunned, ignored, and alone. Why? Because often they do not know what is wrong in order to seek help. For that reason, they exhibit signs of irritability, isolation, sadness, and anger. Quite frankly, it’s difficult to be around someone who acts as though they don’t want you around. It’s a catch-22 for the sufferer. It’s a “leave me alone but please don’t go” tug-of-war in their minds.

What is depression? It is defined​ as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of depressed mood or sadness and the often profound loss of interest in things that usually bring you pleasure. It affects how you feel, think, and behave and can interfere with your ability to function and carry on with daily life.

Most people will experience some time of depression in their lifetime. In fact, there are seven different types of depression.

  1. Major Depressive Disorder or Clinical Depression.
  2. Persistent Depressive Disorder.
  3. Bipolar Disorder.
  4. Postpartum Depression.
  5. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
  6. Seasonal Affective Disorder.
  7. Atypical Depression.

During this pandemic, I have found that many of my clients are exhibiting some form of depression. For some, this is the first time they have experienced a prolonged onset of these symptoms. It can be frightening if you are unaware what is happening and why. That is why it is so incredibly important to be honest about your thoughts and feelings to those around you. Often it’s those closest to you who can see the pain you are in even when you can’t.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. In fact, you can read about my anxiety in an earlier blog. Today, however, I would like to focus on depression and my personal experience. Before I begin to share my story, I need to state upfront that there are some things which might be a trigger for some people. If you are feeling hopeless and are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please call the the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor.

As a little girl I can remember having moments of deep sadness. As I think about those times, I am unable to really pinpoint anything specific that would have caused such sadness. I would desperately want to be included with other children but also would shy away from the very ones I wanted to be with.

I would lay in my bed at night, convinced that I was going to die. I would do everything in my power to stay awake because I was certain that once I drifted off to sleep, I would never wake up. On one particular night, I became so distraught at the thought of dying, I woke my parents up in a complete emotional state. I can vividly remember trying to explain the hopelessness I had but unable to do so.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I would often find places to disappear to so I could cry. I didn’t want anyone to know just how much I was struggling. In my middle school years, suicide became a real alluring thought because I was so deeply surrounded in darkness. Thankfully, my parents recognized the sadness as something that was growing more and more out of control so they stepped in and took me to a counselor.

High school was no walk in the park. My depression increased into uncontrolled anxiety. I spent a crazy amount of time trying to be someone other than myself, hoping beyond hope that one of the personas I put on would give me a release from the prison I was constantly in.

The sadness, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and exhaustion became close friends through the years. I learned to accept them as just part of my thinking and actually found some kind of sick comfort in their presence. I found relief through the tears and the pain in my soul seemed to invite me into a place I didn’t understand but didn’t push away, either. This would continue through my young adult life.

Fast forward a few years. I met my husband. We married and had a child. We had a good life. And yet, behind the perfectly decorated front door, I was a mess. I would fly off the handle for no reason then sink into a deep grief over my words. I wasn’t sleeping and my headaches were increasing. On one particular after, my husband and I were in the car and I was saying something that was biting in nature and he turned to me saying, “You need medication.” I was so hurt. But more than hurt, I knew he was right.

It would take a few more months before I finally listened and had a visit with my doctor. He was so kind and there was absolutely no judgment when I told him my needs. Why had I waited so long to get help?! After that, I spent a few years feeling relatively at peace. I would have the occasional sinking spell but nothing like I had been experiencing. Unfortunately, the bottom dropped out and all of that changed.

My husband and I went through a three year stretch where we were anything but at peace. Job loss, moving, financial woes, illness… it was tough. And because of the difficulties we were experiencing, I decided to try to save money where I could. We didn’t have medical insurance so I stopped my antidepressant to save money.

If this is your first time reading my blog you won’t know this about me but I am a Christian. I have always known the Lord but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ until my early 30s. It was also during that time that I accepted my call to ordained ministry. This is important information because a lot of people still believe that depression is only a spiritual problem or they believe it’s only a chemical problem. I, however, believe it is both.

I absolutely believe in evil in the world and I believe that the battle of good and evil is constant. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Depression is a mighty power that dangles darkness like a golden carrot. And it’s nothing to ignore.

I really can’t properly describe the roller coaster I have ridden over the past few years. I absolutely loved life and hated life all at the same time. While privately continuing to battle these unseen evil forces, I put on a completely different face publicly.

As a pastor and a therapist, my entire existence was about helping other people. And I’m actually really good at it. I can empathize with people suffering with pain, loneliness, fear, sadness, etc. because I’ve been there. I’ve walked in similar shoes. So I have given my all to helping those who need help and I’m proud to have been chosen by God to do that for His glory. But just like the rest of my life, I pushed down my own needs and concerns, sidelining them in lieu of focusing on others. And for over a decade, I did that without a second’s thought. But like a balloon, if you keep filling it with air, it will eventually pop.

I “popped” on March 18, 2020. I knew things were getting to a crisis point within my psyche several weeks prior but I had become so good at covering up my pain I arrogantly believed I could continue in my tailspin without consequence. I had taken a leave of absence from the ministry and was working toward expanding my counseling practice to a full-time status. I had just celebrating the opening of my new office space and had several new clients. Things on the outside were seemingly glowing. But on the inside I was sinking to a low unlike anything I had ever experienced. The unfortunate part is that it had been such a slow process I had failed to see it.

On March 18, I had a couple of clients scheduled as well as a meeting with a ministry supervisor. The meeting was supposed to be about my leave of absence. That morning when I woke, I had a headache and just a general feeling of doom. After I arrived at my office, my first client called to reschedule so that gave me a little time to do some paperwork. But I just could not concentrate. I felt like my skin was crawling and I could not sit still. My mind was racing and I could feel the tears threatening to fall at any moment.

My supervisor arrived and we began with talk about my leave, just as I anticipated. But then it turned and when it did, my world crashed. Now you must understand that I take my faith very serious and my vows to God are not up for debate. So when my supervisor informed me that I had caused harm to those I had ministered and had “lost my Christian witness”, I was devastated. I could scarcely breathe. And as I sat there, the darkness which I had been so diligently trying to keep at bay finally enveloped me and for the first time since the 7th grade, I welcomed it.

There is nothing easy about writing this but I think it is important that society stop pretending that depression shouldn’t be talked about. As we see a profound increase in depression and anxiety due to the pandemic, talking about depression and the signs are life and death necessities. We must not hide out of fear or shame.

In the moments right after my supervisor left, I sunk into a pit. And honestly, that pit seemed more safe, more loving than anything I was experiencing at the time. And it was so dark.

So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” – John 12:35

I can tell you that that moment of darkness really did leave me wondering aimlessly, not knowing where I was going. I had lost so much but up to that moment I felt as though I still had my faith and then, just like that, it was taken from me (or so I thought). I was completely hopeless, completely lost. On March 18, 2020 I said out loud, “I have no reason to live anymore. I don’t want to keep going.” And darkness grew closer, darker, and more beautiful.

By the grace of God, I immediately recognized what was happening so I went home to my husband. He didn’t ask. He didn’t need to. He just loved me and reminded me of who I am – a child of God.

It has been a very difficult but enriching stretch of time. There are things that reply in my head and I have to fight against the pull to let depression take back over. I am taking medication and seeing a therapist. I have family who love me and friends who check in on me constantly. And above all, I have a God who ensured that the Light is to never be extinguished. Not in my life and not in yours.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.” – Psalm 40:1-3

Depression is a medical condition. Depression is a spiritual condition. Depression is treatable. Depression does not define you.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms of depression, please reach out to your doctor, therapist, and spiritual advisor. Together, they can develop a treatment plan which will offer you a healthy release from the darkness that imprisons you.

Because of our God’s merciful compassion, the dawn from on high will visit us to shine on those who live in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. – Lk 1:78-79

Lopsided Pictures

22 Friday Nov 2013

Posted by in My Story. My Faith.

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Romans 5:3-5 And that’s not all. We are full of joy even when we suffer. We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on. The strength to go on produces character. Character produces hope. And hope will never let us down. God has poured his love into our hearts. He did it through the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.

“Either God sent it or He allowed it.”

I had just finished telling a friend about a monumental meltdown that I had the previous weekend. I was attempting to hang a picture on the wall of our “new to us” house that we were renting. It wasn’t working out so well. It was lopsided, which appeared to be a mocking reminder of how my life felt. Lopsided and chaotic. So, when I told my friend about it and how upset I was at the circumstances that led me to be hanging this print in a house that wasn’t mine, she responded with “either God sent it or He allowed it.” REALLY?!!

I found myself contemplating this phrase. In some ways, it made total sense. God is all-knowing and has the power to do what He pleases. But I just couldn’t buy into it. I mean, the God I have a relationship with is one of Love and Grace. Would that God actually send pain my way? Or was it the result of free will which caused bad decisions to be made? Slowly, peace replaced anguish. Acceptance replaced anger. Submission replaced unbelief. Could God be allowing these circumstances to change something within me? Was God granting permission to experience suffering for a specific reason?

Malachi 3:3 —

He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver.
He will purify the Levites
and refine them like gold and silver.
They will belong to the Lord,
presenting a righteous offering.

Can’t you just picture the silversmith purifying the silver? God is like the silversmith in our lives, refining us; He’s who burns away the dross, which is something that is unnecessary or trivial.

I cannot count the number of times I have asked why the suffering is occurring in my life. Why is the suffering occurring in some of my friends’ lives. These trials can feel like a punishment. Major roadblocks seem like they’re meant to make us miserable, just sucking the joy out of our lives. But as I read Malachi and many different translations, I can see that maybe I have been misunderstanding the meaning behind these trials. Maybe, just maybe, the pain actually serves a good purpose. And maybe God is using the pain to transform us with each anguish we persevere through. He is removing the “dross” from us. Each time we survive a major ordeal we grow stronger, wiser, more prepared for the next challenge. We are conquerors and overcomers with God’s help.

Ordeals, hardships, distresses are permitted by God for our perfection. But I do not believe that God causes pain. I do not believe that He brings this pain into our lives. Permitting pain to occur is much different then causing it. With free-will comes free suffering. He allows us to suffer through our choices so that we will be ultimately rely fully on Him. He wants us to see that when we seek our own guidance instead of His, the results are often painful and hard. But when we seek Him, we find comfort and peace. So the pain is allowed so that we might live in the peace.

Even knowing this knowledge about God and His love does not ease the immediate suffering. Tears still fall. Anxiety still rises. Fear still takes hold. But now I can feel the peace that I know is coming. You see, sometimes the best way for God to perfect us is through our tears, angst and suffering. However, if I am to fully believe God is permitting my pain, then I have to trust He has a purpose. I have had so many other people tell me that God “must have great things planned for me.” I hope so. I want to be a shinning example of His mercy and grace. I honestly have no idea what God has in store for me. I feel called to speak publicly about God’s grace. I think that if I keep all of this to myself then I am not glorifying God for all that He has done in my life. I know He isn’t the cause of my pain. I know that He isn’t the reason I feel angst and frustration. So I have to show that to others who might NOT know that.

The ultimate truth is this – nothing compares to having complete faith that the Lord is in control. When everything in my life seems be unstable, God is the rock that is unmovable. He won’t allow us to walk through any trial without having a greater purpose behind it. And He will hold your hand as you walk through it, letting you know He is right there with you.

Sometimes, a lopsided picture can be a reflection of our lives – chaotic, out of place. But sometimes a lopsided picture just needs to be straightened up.

Heavenly Father, sometimes life just seems overwhelming and the chaos becomes my focus instead of the peace. Thank you for your love and grace that is always constant. Help me to focus on your plan instead of my problem. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This Means War!

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in My Story. My Faith.

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“Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s Word.” – Ephesians 6:17 (CEB)

I was alone but felt that I was surrounded. It was almost suffocating. I kept looking all around me, certain that evil was about show its face. But there was no one there. Fear and panic engulfed me. What was that verse again from the Bible? The one about armor? I couldn’t remember it.

As could only happen in a dream, I found myself transported from the room I was in to a church. And there it was – the Bible. My Bible. I threw myself toward it but kept getting pulled further from it. I wanted to scream but no sounds would come.

I awoke with a panicked heart. Looking around in the darkness of my bedroom, I realized that I was safe. But what did my dream mean? I had never experienced anything like that before. Usually, if I remembered my dreams at all, they were silly and vibrant. But this one was so real. So full of fear and confusion. I was physically exhausted from the battle I had just experienced in my dream. “Pray” was all I kept hearing as I sat quietly in my bed, listening to the rhythmic sounds of my sleeping husband’s breath. For the next 30 minutes, I stared at the cross next to my bed and spoke to Jesus. Tears flowed as I poured out my fears, failures and lost dreams.

The next day, I thought a lot about that dream. I realized that what I experienced that night was no ordinary dream. It was much deeper. It was spiritual warfare and I was fighting without my armor.

Matthew 4:15 says:

Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

How could I have allowed this to happen? I was invested in God’s Word. I tried to live it to the best of my ability. And yet, I allowed Satan to infiltrate. The past two years have been marked by one harsh blow after another. I had tried to keep a positive outlook on life but deep down inside I was a big ole’ mess! I was fighting these unseen forces and it was physically, mentally, and spiritually wearing me down.

As I prayed about what to do, God led me to some truths. I had been carrying around some anger, resentments and fears that needed to be dealt with. Otherwise, I was just inviting Satan in my life where he would take the Word of God and root it right out. Satan realized that negative emotions which stemmed from being hurt by someone I loved, concerns about finances, as well as frustration and hopelessness regarding circumstances in my life, had all built a barrier between God and me. The truth is, I’d grown weary of praying because if felt selfish and forced. My feelings overshadowed my faith and I’d been relying on my own advice for handling adversities, rather than seeking God’s wisdom. As a result, I’d given Satan the very thing he was looking for – a foothold in my heart. So much time focused on me and my “woes” had inadvertently smothered out God’s Word and His truths which could set me free.

The fact is, even though I felt utterly alone, I really had no one to blame but ME! God never left me or abandoned me. He didn’t ignore my prayers. He still caught every tear I ever cried. I just chose to wallow instead of wrapping myself in His Word. Deep down I still knew that only He held the power to make me feel whole again.

So why did it take a dream to get me to wake up?

I believe God used the stillness of my rest to wrestle with me with He did with Jacob. I believe He wanted me to physically understand that spiritual warfare is not just something that happened in Biblical times. It happens everyday. We must be ready at all times, just like a soldier. And I had let my guard down, which enabled the enemy to get in. I believe that this dream showed me what weapons I need to fight this daily battle. When I couldn’t reach the Bible in my dream, I felt hopeless. His Word is the sword to fight Satan and the stronghold he tries to make. Only God’s Word can defeat him.

But I also realized that I need to spend more time with God so that I can retrieve His Word from the depths of my soul, not just on a page. The more time I spend on my relationship with the Lord, the better I will know Him. It’s like any friendship really. If you want a close relationship, you take the time to get to know that person. If I am spending time with the Lord, Satan won’t be invited in! It’s actually quite simple.

A song by Big Daddy Weave has a great verse. It says, “Then You look at this prisoner and say to me son, stop fighting a fight that’s already been won.” This battle that I experienced in my dream was of my own doing. God is not going to forsake me to fight these fights on my own. He has already won them. He did it by conquering the cross. I don’t have to fight this fight anymore. I have experienced victory through Jesus Christ. All I need to do is reach out to Him and invite Him to fight it for me.

Ephesians 6:13-18 (MSG) says

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.”

Heavenly Father, I don’t want to fight this battle alone. Forgive me for ever thinking that I have to do it alone. Thank you for your Sword so that I never will go into battle alone again. Amen.

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Got Peace?

28 Sunday Jul 2013

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Lysa TerKeurst, a well-known Christian author and speaker, posted the following on Facebook:

“Will this choice I’m about to make add to my peace or steal it away? ‘Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts’… (Colossians 3:15)”

Hmmmm….

That question was a startling wake-up call for me one morning recently. How often have I allowed my peace to be stolen by choices that I have made? Shamefully, I confess that it has been all too often. But why? Why do we intentionally steal our own peace? Yes, I used the word ‘intentional’. If you look at the question Mrs. TerKeurst posed, it is a choice that we are making and that means an intentional action.

As I take a few moments to really reflect on where I am currently in my life, I realized that some of the choices I have made over the past few years definitely stole peace from my life. Whether it be a shopping spree or verbal argument, I have made choices that left me feeling uneasy and chaotic in the pit of my stomach. Not a good feeling to have. If you are like me at all then you find yourself replaying conversations or situations that you have had which didn’t go so well. You might think of new things to say or different actions. Whatever it is, the peace that could be there is gone, replaced with chaos that occupies entirely too much of your time. I was talking to my husband the other day, telling him about my frustrations with some former co-workers that I had run into. I was going over the litany of reasons why I was irritated. His response was, “stop giving them so much space in your head.” Well, at the time, my irritation switched from them to my husband. But the fact was, he was absolutely right. I was making a choice to dwell on them, which stole my peace.

Too often we forget that we really can only control two things in this life – our actions and our reactions. That’s it! I hate the idea that there are people who don’t like me or choices I have made but it is what it is. I can’t control them. But I can control how I respond and act toward others. I can also control if I have peace in my life or not through my choices.

How many times have I been like Job and said the same things as he does in Job 3:26? “I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.” I don’t want to be like that anymore? I have chosen so many times to allow my situations and circumstances to define my moods. No more. Instead, I choose to rely on Jesus and his promise.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. —Romans 5:1

I chose to open my heart to God and accept the love of Jesus Christ. So why would I ever make a choice that invites turmoil in my life? And yet, we do it all of the time! My challenge to you is to make an intentional choice daily to invite peace into your life. And if chaos and turmoil creep in, seek God’s guidance in returning you to that place of peace once again.

Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for you and the promise of peace you have given me through your Son. Help me to always make choices of peace rather then offer invitations to chaos. Amen

In Flesh We Trust?

23 Tuesday Jul 2013

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“‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.’ And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.” 2 Chronicles 32:7-8 (NIV)

Gosh, I wish I were strong. I have often thought what it would be like to be strong, both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t have to ask people for help all of the time. I see other women who are physically fit and I get a bit down. I listen to women with stories of courage and survival and I think I would have folded in such a situation. I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others but it is so easy to do that. It’s easy to just allow that little voice in the back of my mind to speak words of discouragement. Why is that? Why are those voices always so much clearer and impactful then positive words? Why do we allow ourselves to be chained to such negativity when we are made in the image of such a glorious God?

But these thoughts are true for my life – and probably for many of you, too. It is so much easier to focus on my weaknesses and inconsistencies then the positives. For most of my life, I’ve battled this. From the time I was a little girl I have felt just a bit inadequate. Just a bit on the outside looking in. These feelings frustrate me. I wear a mask of securities and find myself shrinking on the inside. I can lead someone to Christ for their healing but not depend on him for my own weaknesses in areas like over-eating or depression. Frustrating, isn’t it? Can you relate?

The other day I read 2 Chronicles 32: 7-8. It made me stop. How had I missed this story? It was like I was reading it for the first time. “Be strong and courageous.” I have heard that part of the verse many many times. But it is the rest of it that caused my heart to jump. “…there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is The Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” Oh my goodness!! “A greater power with us..!!” Do you realize what this is saying? I don’t have to focus on my weaknesses, even if others do. I am strong because God is within me! And you! I am ashamed to say that I completely forget that at times. I forget that God doesn’t pick or choose when He gives us strength. Nope. If we aren’t feeling His strength, it’s because we CHOOSE not to accept it. He gives it freely, all day every day! Did you hear that? God never leaves us. We leave Him. I’m ashamed to say that at times when things are most overwhelming, I try to rely on my own humanness instead of reaching for my Lord. Why do we do that? Why do we not scream out to God? There is no reason for any us to ever feel week or hopeless. And yet, don’t we all feel that way from time to time? Don’t we all feel inadequate and unsure of ourselves in certain situations? If you are like me, then the answer is yes.

Jeremiah 17:7 (NIV) says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” I think that is the essence of my problem. I don’t always have the confidence I am supposed to have in God. I fear that He will forget about me so I have to do it myself. But He doesn’t work like that. He will be there as long as I seek Him. I have to learn to stop depending on my “flesh” as Hezekiah said, and rely completely on Him. My confidence in God is stronger then it was but not where it should be yet. What I can attest to is that for all the times I have completely submitted to God, I have experienced a source of strength and perseverance that I never could have experienced relying on my own flesh.

As you apply this to your life, ask yourself this question: How would your life be changed if you believed that God’s strength was living in you everyday, all day?

Lord, please forgive me for relying on my own flesh and humanness instead of solely on You. You have guaranteed your strength and grace through the spilled blood of Jesus Christ. Thank you for never leaving me even when I leave you. Convict my heart to never leave you again. Amen.