Category Archives: mental health

What’s Wrong With The World?

29 Monday Aug 2022

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Do you ever just find yourself looking at the world around you and think, “What in the world is happening?” It seems as if everything is just off. What used to roll off the backs of people now sets them off. The things that glued us to the news, we are now numb to it. People are more agitated, fearful, distrusting, and isolated than ever before. And we all feel it.

But what about our kids? How are they coping?

In a word… poorly.

According to CDC statistics released in March 2022:

  • More than 1 in 3 high school students experienced poor mental health during the pandemic.
  • Nearly half of students felt persistently sad or hopeless.
  • Two-thirds said they had difficulty with understanding or concentrating on schoolwork.
  • More than half of students experienced emotional abuse in their home.
  • A quarter of teens struggled with hunger.
  • Female students were more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide compared to male students.
  • 19.9% of students had seriously considered attempting suicide, and 9.0% had attempted suicide.

While it’s true that so many people young and old are struggling more mentally than before the pandemic, it’s the youth who seem to be a more steady decline. Before COVID-19, suicide was already reported as the second-leading cause of death among people aged 10–34, and the CDC reported that youth mental health was already declining. But since the start of the pandemic, the state of youth mental health has undoubtedly worsened.

How Did We Get Here?

Between the constant comparisons and challenges to keep up with the pressure to perform on social media; the expectation of being “always on” that comes with technology, instantaneous communication and troubling news cycles; the lack of God and His word within the home and/or school; and the isolation, uncertainty, and trauma and grief that have come from an unprecedented global crisis… Young people today are being challenged in ways we couldn’t believe.

For lack of a better way to say it, our youth are in a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, the way youth respond to their emotional situation is often difficult to predict. Some act out in violence, seeking attention in ways that are completely out of their normal behavior. Some become hypervigilant, fearful of making a mistake, leaving their safe spaces, or making friends. Others might isolate, withdrawing from family, friends, and things they love. Let’s face it, in more instances than we care to accept, our kids feel more safe in their rooms on a computer screen than out in the “real world.” We did that to them. We took away their schools, their friends, their church, their extracurricular activities and stuffed them in their rooms while we spiraled into our fear-based abyss. And even though we have begun to see a bit of normalcy in our daily choices, our kids don’t know how to step back into a world with face-to-face interactions. It’s a lot. And too often we say to them, “Just suck it up. You’re young; you can handle it.”

Reality check … they can’t handle it! They don’t know how and we aren’t helping them. So they do what they know… they learn from us. If you are an adult who doesn’t talk about your feelings, neither will your kids. If you act out in violence, so will your kids. If you don’t pray to God, neither will your kids. Our youth are looking to us for leadership. They want to know how to handle things and we simply are letting them down because WE aren’t handling things well at all.

The Church Response

Recently, a 14-year-old said to me, “Is there anywhere we can go where we feel safe and can just be kids?”

That question nearly crushed me. Because the truth is that there is no where any of us can go in this world and not be touched by evil in some way. It’s infiltrated our homes, churches, schools, businesses, governments, sports… the list goes on and on. Evil is something humankind has encountered since the Garden of Eden. And the only response to evil is God.

I can’t help but wonder where our churches are because they aren’t stepping up. As a whole, churches have dropped the ball on the basic premise of providing hope to the hurting world through the spreading of the Gospel. Churches have become, instead, a place of entertainment, political activism, and acceptance of sin. We can’t accept this any longer as Christians. When we said yes to Jesus Christ’s invitation to eternal salvation, we also agreed to the Great Commission: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

Our kids are desperately seeking hope because they are living in a hopeless world. If we don’t share with them “to obey everything [Jesus has] commanded” we are complicit in the suicides, school shootings, gang violence, pornography, unwanted pregnancies, gender confusion, bullying, and more. It’s their blood on our hands if we stay quiet about the very thing they need to know most… sin. Sin is what separates us from God. If we don’t know what the sin is, how can we ever expect to grow close to Him to have the very hope we are most seeking?

What can you do?

Listen. Stop trying to talk AT your kids or simply brushing their concerns aside as if they’re not important. Really listen to your kids. Create a space in your day when you put your phone down, turn off the TV, and just listen to your child. What was great about their day? What wasn’t so good? Why? How are they doing? Is there something they are struggling with? These are just a few questions parents can ask and then just really listen to their answers. If more parents did this, more young lives would be saved.

Make God important in your life. If your kids see you studying the word of God, praying, attending church, and spending time with others studying God’s word, they will see how important that relationship is in their own life. But if your priorities do not show God at the top every day, then neither will your kids. God is always there but the relationship can only happen if you nurture it.

Set boundaries. Believe it or not, kids prefer rules over free-range parenting. God set a clear boundary with Adam and Eve and they broke it. We are still paying for those consequences. Set clear boundaries with your kids. Be nosey about their electronic communications. Don’t let them stay behind a closed bedroom door all the time. Monitor their friends. Be the parent! The friendship comes once they are adults.

Ask for help. Believe it or not, parents don’t know everything. Not only that, but as a parent, you are more invested in your child than anyone else in the world so it’s sometimes difficult to be unbiased when they are going through things. That’s why therapists exists! We are the unbiased professionals trained to help people navigate difficult situations. There is no shame in talking to someone. In fact, seeing a therapist is as normal as seeing a physician. So, if your child is struggling, ask if they would like to talk to a therapist. And if they come to you can say they want to go to counseling, applaud them for taking an active role in their mental health and then act upon their request. And vet the therapist. I love it when parents want to meet with me. You’re trusting your child with someone so you need to know who it is. If you want Christian counseling, make sure the therapist follows scripture. If you need a trauma specialist, ask for their experience working with trauma. Ask questions and then make a decision.

It is easy to throw statistics and what-ifs at you. But it’s the kids we have to really focus on. Our youth are lost and we are the ones who are supposed to be guiding them. It’s time to step up and do the hard work. If you know of a young person struggling, please reach out to First Step Counseling. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call 988. Someone is available 24-hours a day to help you. You are not alone.

Betrayal Trauma and the Church

10 Wednesday Aug 2022

Posted by in mental health, My Story. My Faith., The Church

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.– Psalm 34:18

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When violence, physical or emotional, is witnessed or perpetuated against someone, trauma is often the outcome. The spirit and sense of one’s very being become crushed.

For Christians, of course, trauma is of great concern.  Jesus came to heal and to bring justice, as well as to invite us into his perfect eternal kingdom, where pain and sadness no longer exist. Jesus is the one who takes dead things and brings them to life:

For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes (Revelation 7:17).  

We are promised life through living water.

Therefore, all the sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and violence all around us are opportunities for our faith to provide a haven. They are also opportunities for the church to be an incubator where the very being of our personhood might come back to life again. Unfortunately, trauma is often ignored or hidden, even in the church.

Approximately 60% of the US population has experienced at least one traumatic event and 1 out of 3 will develop PTSD. It is highly likely you or someone you know has experienced trauma: physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual.

As a Clinical Certified Trauma Professional, I spend my days walking with men, women, and children who have experienced some type of trauma. There is one type of trauma that I am seeing more of that people may not be as familiar with—betrayal trauma.

If someone close to you has ever broken your trust, you’ve probably felt the sting of betrayal. Regardless of the infraction, betrayal can leave wounds. But betrayal trauma goes a step further, leaving deep wounds that can feel impossible to heal because you’ve been betrayed by someone or group you trust. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone’s trust. Betrayal trauma may occur alongside things like gaslighting and lead to anxiety and depression. However, through the grace of God and good therapy you can heal from this trauma.

Types of Betrayal Trauma

There are four different types of betrayal trauma.

  • Parental: When a parent or caretaker, someone you depend on for your needs to be met, abuses you or fails to protect you from harm.
  • Intimate Partner: When the person doing the betraying is your intimate partner. This can take place when your partner is having an emotional affair or a physical affair. If one of the partners has an active sexual addiction, there is often betrayal present.
  • Institutional: When an institution impacts you in a way that is in direct opposition to what they portray themselves to be or their stated mottos and goals. This can also occur when the institution protects the perpetrator instead of supporting the victim or “whistleblower.” This may include a religious institution, educational institution, the military, healthcare systems, etc.
  • Interpersonal: When a trusted friend, peer, or individual betrays your trust.

Betrayal trauma occurs when a person or an organization that you depend on goes outside your expectation of them in a way that is hurtful to you. The amount of trauma caused has to do with the impact on you. If your car gets rear-ended in traffic, your level of trauma may not be as profound as if you were to find out that your spouse of 20 years has been carrying on an affair with your best friend.

Betrayal trauma is the trauma that results from betrayal by a trusted person or institution. Betrayal trauma theory seeks to understand how an individual will interpret that betrayal and store it in his or her memory. This theory predicts that the more necessary a person or institution is deemed to be in a person’s life, the more likely there will be an “unawareness” or “blindness” to that betrayal. Third party observers are often left wondering, how can they not see what is happening?

We can’t blame those who are the victims of this type of trauma because too often they are unable to see it until the pain is too profound, and the damage is done. But, as Christians, we can do much more than we currently are to help in the healing process.

How can the church be The Church?

1. Be a caring community.

There is one fundamental way in which the church as the Body of Christ can be critical partners to the mental health community in a survivor’s healing journey. Trauma survivors need to be seen, valued, and connected to a caring community. The church is called to be the living body of Christ, and that is spiritual work. Because trauma survivors need to feel safe, the church commits itself to provide shalom love and gracious hospitality.

Any kind of trauma changes the body so that the traumatic experience gets trapped inside a person. The church can create an environment that gives the individual body a chance to heal.  The church and her leaders need to learn to be listeners, receiving the stories of trauma survivors. Just simply listening and bearing witness to the truth of another’s experience is a significant step in the healing process.

It’s not easy to be a listener. It can feel very heavy. But we must remember that Christ’s Light is unquenchable—and darkness can not overcome it. And that is the gift the church can give back to those in need.

2. Refuse to excuse or explain away abusive power.

Every church should develop policies that assure no tolerance for any type of sexism, abuse, or bullying. The church should have the highest ethic for treating people with respect and have the highest motivation for protecting the vulnerable. When we, as Christians, live our lives reflecting our beliefs, we become a true refuge. If we show tolerance of evil, either through our actions or words, we perpetuate the trauma and potentially drive someone away from God.

3. Have a relationship with the mental health community.

Churches that are advocates for trauma survivors preach the Gospel and have a collaboration with mental health experts. There are many things churches are good at, but mental health counseling is not one of them. Too often, spiritual leaders step out of their lane into areas they need to refer out. But when a church finds good Christian therapists who are clinically licensed, they are exhibiting the love of Christ but ensuring the best for the ones in need.

4. Encourage people to talk to Jesus about their pain, trauma, abuse, and healing.

It’s so heartbreaking to talk with those who have experienced betrayal trauma and they are unaware they can rely on God’s strength. Churches should encourage constant communication with God. And it’s truly quite simple to have prayers and verses available to give to those who are in need but don’t know where to even begin.

  • A trauma victim’s prayer: Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings, I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by. Psalm 57: 1
  • A trauma victim’s hope: God sustains me in a desert land, in a howling wilderness waste; God shields me, cares for me, guards me as the apple of his eye. As an eagle stirs up its nest and hovers over its young; as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions, the Lord alone guides me. Deut. 32: 10-12a 

In Colossians, Paul wrote to those who believe:

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory. (Col. 3:3-4)

The trauma survivor is not crushed. Within the survivor is a life hidden with Christ and in God. That is a powerful reminder of the hope and healing that comes from God Almighty. The church can provide sanctuary, a place hidden with Christ in God for all who have suffered from any type of trauma.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.” — Psalm 107:13-16

Get Out Of My Head

16 Wednesday Feb 2022

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The alarm clock’s obnoxious chime alerts me that it’s time to get up for another day. After trying to figure out a way to stay nestled in my warm bed, I finally push myself up knowing what’s next. I head to the bathroom where I remove everything that might weigh even the slightest bit and step on the scale. I catch myself holding my breath in anticipation of the number that will flash on the display. Just maybe this morning will be the morning when the number goes down. Maybe somehow, overnight, the weight loss fairy removed those unwanted pounds.

But no. The scale taunts me with the blaring truth that the number refuses to go in a downward direction. So I vow to do better in between the verbal assaults I lay upon myself. I won’t eat lunch today. I’ll throw out those chocolates. I’ll exercise as soon as I get home from work. And my resolve soon fades as my hunger overtakes my resolve.

The next morning, the alarm wakes me to another day. I crawl out of my warm bed and head to the bathroom where I remove off everything that might weigh even the slightest bit and step on the scale.
I hold my breath in anticipation of the number that will flash on the display. Maybe this is the morning. But once again, it isn’t.

Another day of promises. Another day of verbal assaults. This has become my life. And I absolutely hate this continuous shadow that never seems to leave. My life is consumed with what to eat and what not to eat. The guilt surrounding nourishment is enough to push my choices in all the wrong directions. And the thoughts I have about myself, my appearance, and my lack of willpower are tremendously destructive. I can’t seem to get back to the place I once was where I look in the mirror and see more than the physical person looking back at me. Instead, I see ugly, disgusting, fat, lazy, unwanted, unworthy, and without purpose.

Let’s be honest, these thoughts, they have nothing to do with food. I can go for days without eating and I still won’t feel any better about myself. Because I’m never going to be skinny enough, or pretty enough, or good enough … there will always be someone I feel I don’t measure up to. These thoughts are straight from Satan himself. He knows my weakness. He knows the things that I have placed before God and he uses those things to create a deeper crevasse between me and God.

It’s actually quite amazing how much power a thought can have. It can start out as something small but if left alone, it grows into something profoundly destructive. If you don’t take these thoughts captive, they will consume you. So you must decide right now, today, to change the story of the battle for your mind. 2 “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” — Corinthians 10:5.

IT’S TIME TO BE INTENTIONAL

Let’s start with identifying any thought that is deceptive. In other words, is the thought harmful or helpful? Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable but that doesn’t make it harmful. I’m overweight. It’s negatively impacting my life. It’s not a happy thought but it’s not a harmful lie, either. For me to say that I’m overweight and therefore unloveable is a harmful lie. But it’s a thought I’ve had more than a little and even believed way too often. It’s easy to coddle the thoughts that enter your mind. You have to examine that thought and say, “Hmmm. I’m not sure I can let you stay in my mind because I don’t see any evidence that you’re lining up with the word of God. And if you’re not aligned with His Word, then He didn’t plant this thought in my head.”

This is probably the hardest thing we are asked to do. Taking thoughts captive if they don’t align with the Word of God is hard because we typically trust ourselves. We trust the things we think and do. But we can’t just blindly trust that every thought is truthful. Too often, Satan is using our own insecurities to create spiritual doubt. That’s why we have to be intentional in our every thought.

Next, we need to change the narrative of our story. If my story doesn’t include constant fighter verses, then my story is not in alignment with God’s story. I’ve always struggled with memorizing verses but I think that’s because I didn’t fully understand the importance of having those words tattooed on my soul. But God’s Word is the sword we’ve been given to battle the enemy. If we don’t use His Word, we will lose the battle every single time. Memorizing scripture allows me to exchange the deceptive thoughts for thoughts of truth.

In Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, I’ll Start Again Monday, she said, “I had to get honest enough to admit I relied on food more than I relied on God. Food was my comfort, my reward, my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress and sadness and even in times of happiness.”

It was like she read my mind. And I hated this truth so much but it’s the exact thing I have been doing. For two years I’ve wondered in the dang wilderness, trying to battle these harmful thoughts alone. And honestly, the enemy has been winning. So, no more “starting again on Monday” thoughts. No more embracing my thoughts without comparing them to God’s Word. And no more putting food before God.

Praying before every meal isn’t enough. Pray about everything you eat. Ask God: “Please remove this craving of anything unhealthy so that I only crave you.”

There will be lots more tears and many more mornings of holding my breath as I wait to see the number on the scale. I’m exercising and trying to follow a nutritional plan; even going to see the doctor soon in order to ensure I’m doing everything I can to be healthy and honor the body God has given me. I’m also trusting that God will keep my thoughts healthy and will remove the false lenses from my eyes so I can see the woman He created rather than one I’ve come to loath. I’m a work in progress and thankful for the grace that comes from my creator.

In This Chair

12 Wednesday Jan 2022

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There is just something about this chair. It’s the place where a thousand tears have been shed and laughter has been shared. It’s big enough to curl up in and comfortable enough to stretch out freely. This chair is the safe place people have come to in order to heal. It’s the uncomfortable place people find themselves when they need to be challenged.

It’s tough being a therapist’s chair. It’s a lot of responsibility. It must be comfortable enough to ease someone’s anxiety. It must be strong enough to hold their burdens. It must be firm enough to hold them up when they can’t find the strength. It must be water resistant to catch all of the tears. And it must be completely silent in order to hear the desperate whisper of a broken heart.

Oh the stories this chair could share.

In this chair, people tell their therapist everything. The things they are proud of and the things that overwhelm them with shame. And while sitting in this chair, it can seem like just talking isn’t enough. Yet, on the way home, your heart feels so much better.

There’s just something about this chair.

This chair has cradled the cries of the world in its methodical rocking. And as I’ve listened to these cries, I can’t help but extend a piece of me to each fractured heart. I pray with each person that they will feel God’s presence and healing as they share, cry, laugh, and sometimes scream in the silence of their soul.

The last several weeks, this chair has worked overtime. There has been so much pain here. As I listened to a patient share immense desperation, I could feel my heart literally breaking. I think I may have even taken a quick breath just to assure myself my heart still worked. And if this is what I’m feeling, imagine what God must be experiencing. He feels all we feel; experiences all we experience.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” —Psalm 53:8

Someone asked me once why therapy worked. It’s because within each one of us we want to be known; we want to be heard. And that’s what therapy really is, in a nut shell. It’s one person choosing to see and hear another person, even in the midst of their darkest moment. And that’s what we want from God. We want to know He sees us and hears us. We want to be known to Him.

The crippling part of emotional pain is the isolation that comes with it. When we experience pain our natural tendency is to shut everyone out. Satan counts on us to isolate ourselves from those around us. If Satan can use your pain to separate you from Jesus Christ then he is doing his job because he is constantly looking to devour and deceive (1 Peter 5:8).

There is nothing worse than experiencing a painful season and feeling unseen. It is a crushing sensation to experience heartache and feel as if nobody cares. I know, because I have experienced this before. We fall victim and believe that our season of pain is so unique that nobody could ever relate to it and that nobody will ever understand why we feel how we do. And the longer we feel that way, the more isolated and hopeless we can become.

I cannot tell you the number of times that someone sitting in this chair has said, “No one can understand. No one can possibly know what it feels like to hurt this much.” Oh, sweet child, there is someone who knows.

(Jesus) began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” —Mark 13:33

Jesus Christ, Emmanuel (God With Us), was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He was so deeply distressed and troubled that His sweat turned to blood. For us to ever think that our Lord and Savior cannot comprehend what we are going through is completely wrong.

Jesus knows all about pain and He knows your pain. He knows your depression. He knows your misery. He knows your thoughts. He knows your secret guilt. He knows your deepest fears. He knows you fully. Jesus is relational. He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He heals and binds our wounds (Psalm 147:3). He is faithful and will do what He says (1 Thessalonians 5:24). Jesus is the epitome of love (1 John 4:8), He is forgiving (Matthew 18:21-35), slow to anger, gracious, and compassionate (Nehemiah 9:17). Jesus Christ, the Highest Priest and the only Savior of mankind, is all we need. In Him, there is freedom (Galatians 5:1).1

With all of the pain, self-doubt, desperation, and hopelessness that finds its way in this chair, I pray that each person also experiences the profound healing of Jesus Christ. I pray they know that God’s mercy is greater than anything the world can give. I long for each broken heart to be filled with the healing of the Holy Spirit. If you don’t feel like you can talk to God, find a chair. I promise that if it’s a good chair, you’ll have a good listener.

1Marcus Donaldson, God Knows Your Pain, 2019

For Me, To Die Is Gain

10 Tuesday Aug 2021

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This week, I said good-bye to a precious childhood friend, Casey. She succumbed to the effects of Covid-19. She was 47 years-old.

Next month will mark seven years since I said good-bye to my best friend, Jodi. She died from complications after a motorcycle accident. She was 39 years-old.

Death. It’s something we never want to talk about, yet, none of us will avoid it.

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When reading scripture, it’s obvious that death is a big part of life. Jesus Christ showed us the importance of life and death. The truth is, however, that living seems much easier, doesn’t it? Even when life is difficult, we at least know what to expect with living. But death… well it seems so mysterious and final. Even for Christians, we have a difficulty grasping the glory of death. I think it’s because we are seeing it through the eyes of earthly life.

The Apostle Paul understood the conundrum of life and death. In Philippians 1:21-26, he says, “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Now if I live on in the flesh, this means fruitful work for me; and I don’t know which one I should choose.I am torn between the two. I long to depart and be with Christ—which is far better—but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.Since I am persuaded of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that, because of my coming to you again, your boasting in Christ Jesus may abound.“

There is an old saying that says a person is not ready to live until they are first ready to die. In other words, only once we are ready to die, are we truly ready to live. So what do I mean, exactly? To be ready to die can only come with a life-surrender to Jesus Christ. We must die of our old self, our sinful self, in order to live in our freedom granted only through the cross. When that happens, an earthly death is not something we fear. We may not want it to come quickly but we don’t fear it. That’s the point of being ready to die which allows us to truly live. And yet, many people wait until it’s too late to come to this realization. They use their final days to surrender their lives to Jesus Christ but they never get the opportunity to live their life for Christ.

Paul was ready to die. He wanted to die so he could live eternally with Jesus. But Paul understood that his work on earth was not completed. He was needed for those around him. His life … and death … was in God’s hands.

“For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

“For me.” That’s a powerful phrase. From the depth of his soul, Paul is saying, “Regardless of how anyone else is living… for me; regardless of what my friends are doing… for me. For me to live is Christ, whether anyone else lives for Christ.”

Do you ever feel like the world is just out to get you? Do you ever feel like you have to reign in your faith because the world believes it’s just too big or too much? Do you wonder if you’re going to make it through whatever difficulty you are going through? We all struggle with these things from time to time. But, friends, we don’t have to wonder if we are cut out to make it through the tough times.

Did you know that when Paul said this verse, he was in prison in Rome? He had been charged with insurrection against the Empire and was awaiting trial before Caesar. If found guilty, the sentence is death. So Paul was facing the real possibility that he would end soon.

And as Paul sits in his dark cell, he writes this letter to the Philippians. For all he knows, it would be the last letter. And yet, he is not fearful; he is not filled with anxiety; he is a man at peace because to live is Christ.

“Regardless of what the world says, regardless of what the circumstances are that threaten me, for me to live is Christ.” It was the single greatest purpose of his existence. And the same should be true for each of us.

Over the past week, as I joined in prayer with so many friends and family of Casey, it was amazing to read the number of comments about her faith. She wasn’t just a believer in Jesus. She was a disciple of Jesus. She consistently lived her life by following His commandments and bringing others the Good News. Did she love her neighbors as Jesus commanded? Yes. Did she just stop there? No. She talked constantly about Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. She shared her story of faith and how it was through her willingness to die for Christ that she was able live for Christ. And live is what she did. He legacy is her faith. When people talk about Casey, they will also talk about Jesus Christ. That is a legacy worth dying for.

Casey makes it easy to celebrate her life. She celebrated life the moment she was reborn and she celebrated life until the moment she had her earthly death. But she is not dead. She is very much alive through all the people who have come to either know Jesus or grow their intimacy with Jesus because of her witness.

I can’t help but wonder if my life reflects that kind of faith. I know I have failed my Jesus so many times. I have been Peter, and denied him. I have been Judas, and given him the kiss of betrayal. I have been Thomas and doubted. I have been Paul and cried in anguish as I’ve struggled between doing what I knew was right and what I knew was wrong. I have clung to things of this world, fearful of what is unknown about the next.

“All the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness. I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself.” (Phil 3:8-11 MSG)

We cling to our achievements and our prestige in this world. We spend hours on social media bragging in one way or another about the greatness in our lives. But how many people do you see proclaiming bolding that they want to be a partner in Christ’s suffering, all the way to the suffering on the cross? It’s not a popular concept. But it is the only true way to live.

I think Casey was like Paul. I think she was ready to die which is exactly why she so boldly lived. If you are a Christian, you should be like Paul, too. The fact is, in the midst of a pandemic, we are faced with death in a more aggressive way, it seems. Sometimes it feels like the angel of death is just hovering over all of us, breathing down our necks just a bit closer than we like to admit. But in reality, death is always just a moment away. Too many well-meaning Christians (pastors included) don’t prepare each other to face death. That’s why we live in such fear of it.

So, I want to ask you this very personal question. Are you ready to die if death were to knock on your door? Have you put your faith in Jesus Christ completely? Do you believe that he is your Lord and your Savior? If you were to die tonight, would you receive the ultimate reward of heaven? Friend, if you do not know Jesus Christ, if he is not the reason you live and breathe, I would be honored to introduce him to you. Once you know him… really know him… you’ll give up everything to have the only thing — eternal life. “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Freedom from Food

16 Friday Apr 2021

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You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. — Song of Solomon 4:7

Last September I wrote a blog about my struggle with my weight. I really thought I was ready to make a change when I wrote that piece. But I wasn’t. The depression I was in was simply too strong and I felt helpless. To make it worse, I had made my struggle public so now everyone knew I was … fat. Everyone knew I chose food over God as my comfort. Everyone knew I was weak. …And the pounds kept coming.

But sometimes change comes when we least expect it. February 6 was nothing extraordinary. I was on social media in a … shoe group page (don’t judge me). I had posted a pair of shoes for sale and a lady quickly nabbed them up. We started chatting about the final details and I noticed her email address said, “health coach.” So, I asked her about it and she shared her weight loss journey.

Two days later, I contacted her to get started … and I haven’t looked back. It was hard at first but then something changed. I started seeing food as a gift from God rather than His replacement. I found Jesus Christ IN the weight loss.

FREEDOM

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. — Galatians 5:1

Scripture tells us to embrace the freedom that comes from faith in Jesus Christ. But for some reason I struggled living into that freedom. And food gave me an excuse to be even more enslaved. I had tried so many diets but the strictness of them created an unrealistic set of laws I was unable to follow. So Christ has truly set us free. How could I have forgotten?!!

I was so busy trying to eat the “right” thing, and look the “right” way and yet all I did was fail. When we receive the freedom in Christ from diets and sizes and self-imposed judgment, we can finally hear His voice about how to eat.

LISTEN

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. — John 10:27

Because of the debt Jesus paid on our behalf, we are free from staying in our sins. Instead, once we say yes to Jesus, we are adopted into the kingdom of Heaven. That means we can hear His voice. Christ refers to Himself as our Shepherd. And do you know what shepherds do? They take care of their sheep! That includes providing food. Making sure we are well-fed is on the top of our Shepherd’s priority list! Listen for His voice, and trust that he is leading us where our needs will be met!

GLORIFY GOD

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. — 1 Corinthians 10:31

When I was using food to medicate my depression, I was not glorifying God. I failed to glorify Him in body and in spirit. But praise be to God, I am no longer bound by those ways. I have lost 20 pounds. I see food as fuel given by God. And in return, I praise Him for the health I have been given. We go to God for many things in our lives. But we often neglect to go to God for our daily needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:19

My journey is not over but today food is no longer my enemy.

Mean Girls Are No Match For God

06 Tuesday Apr 2021

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Mean girls don’t remember what they said
Well, it’s funny ’cause I can’t seem to forget

Do you ever have those moments when a word or phrase just stabs you right in the heart? That happened to me today. I learned of a conversation that somehow included a very personal experience of mine. I am not going to go into details because the details do not matter. What matters is the gossip that was directed at me and others I care about.

Let’s just be honest, words hurt. There is no way around that fact. We can say all day long, “I don’t care what others think about me,” or “It doesn’t matter what someone is saying, I know the truth.” But deep inside, where we carry the hidden parts of our soul, it hurts.

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers and sisters. — Proverbs 6:16-19

I can remember growing up and being really upset by the way some children would speak about and to me. But I was always told that as I grew older, I would not care about such things. Unfortunately, this is not reality. As I grow older, I have come to realize the depth of the hurt words cause people.

There is a song by Leanna Crawford called Mean Girls. It’s a a powerful song about the burden of words upon our souls.

Stick and stones may break my bones
But no one ever warned me about words

That’s the crux of it. No one really warns us about words. No one tells us how to let words truly bounce off our backs, particularly when they come from those whom you have poured yourself into for the sake of love and friendship.

Mean girls don’t remember what they said
Well, it’s funny ’cause I can’t seem to forget
Their whispers opened up the door
To a world called insecure
No, mean girls don’t remember what they said

Scripture consistently reminds us that life as a disciple is very difficult. It is a truly a very narrow path that we must walk to be faithful to God’s commands. Unfortunately, there are many today who call themselves Christians but neglect to live into the fullness of our called lives. They will say “love” while spewing division.

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. — 1 John 3:15

Words slowly “murder” another person when used to gossip. They take us to a place filled with shame and self-doubt. They cause walls to go up and relationships to fall apart. They steal trust and instill isolation. And all the while this is happening, we smile through the pain so no one will know.

I smile and I pretend it doesn’t hurt
But the older that I get it just gets worse
Lord, find me and remind me that my worth
Is worth so much more than their words

So, what do we do? We can’t control other people, even though it would be nice sometimes. We can’t force someone to say nice things.

I need to you find me and remind me that my worth
Is worth so much more than their words

For starters, we pray. Psalm 64:2-4 is a good place to start. Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked, from the throng of evildoers, who whet their tongues like swords, who aim bitter words like arrows, shooting from ambush at the blameless, shooting at him suddenly and without fear.

We are incapable of battling these evil spiritual forces without calling upon the name of Jesus Christ. In this world of hatred and division, there is a sense of pride in tearing down another human being. Even more so, there is glee in listening to another tear someone down. But as people of the cross, we cannot be a part of such sin. We must stand up against those who seek to divide the Kingdom by spreading lies, watering down the scriptures, and neglecting the spiritual care of our brothers and sisters.

Today, I was caught by surprise by the pain of another’s words but only for a moment.

Mean girls don’t remember what they said
Well, it’s funny ’cause I can’t seem to forget

It’s true. I can’t seem to forget. But I will glorify God within the pain of the words.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. — Matthew 5:11-12

I am richly blessed because of the many words that have been thrown at and about me for being strong in my faith. I am richly blessed because I have lost friends for listening to the conviction by God within my heart. I am richly blessed because the words of the evil continue to come which tells me that I did exactly what God designed for me to do. Do the words still hurt? In the moment, yes, But in the eternal, not even a little do I feel pain.

Lord, find me and remind me that my worth
Is worth so much more than their words

Praise God, that is exactly what He did!

Lent Day 29: It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

22 Monday Mar 2021

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I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. I think of God, and I moan; I meditate, and my spirit faints. You keep my eyelids from closing; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. —Psalm 77

“I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything is fine.” So many of my clients have recited these words for so long they have forgotten how to acknowledge their real pain. I have found that people will quietly endure pain described in this psalm for weeks, months, or even years on end, until they finally become overwhelmed. This often takes the form of a divorce, an arrest, or a suicide attempt.

What do we do during the “day of trouble?” We cry aloud to God to find comfort, but for some reason, “my soul refuses to be comforted.” We lose sleep, and we cannot even describe the anguish we are in. On top of all of this, we experience a theological crisis: “God promised to never leave or forsake me, but now he has turned his back on me.”

Occasionally, clients will reveal that they have reached out to God during dark times, but they felt all they received was silence. They asked for relief from the pain but they feel forgotten. They are praying like they’ve never prayed before, but still their pain overwhelms. “Has God forgotten to be gracious?” (v. 9).

Perhaps that is the whole point. Scripture reminds us over and over that God is merciful and abounding in steadfast love (Exodus 34:6–7), that God never changes (Hebrews 13:8), and that God desires an intimate relationship with his people (Isaiah 43:1; Jeremiah 31:33). Scripture assures us that God is our everlasting hope. Because of these promises, I do not believe that God causes our suffering. I do believe He can certainly use our suffering so that we might “cry aloud to God,” “think of God,” and “meditate and search my spirit.” The psalmist reminds us that even amid our suffering, it is out of God’s character to spurn or abandon, to be unloving or to withhold compassion. Even on our darkest days, God is inseparable from his goodness and mercy. For that, as we draw ever closer to the cross, we can persevere.

2020, See Ya, Bye!

31 Thursday Dec 2020

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Only a few hours left of 2020. Before we all start cheering, I think it’s important to reflect on what was so we can properly hope for what is to come.

So what did 2020 bring into our lives?

COVID-19 pandemic, quarantines and lockdowns, unemployment, murder hornets, Kobe Bryant’s death, impeachment hearings, stock market crash, Beirut explosion, Chadwick Boseman’s death, BLM, antifa, protests, riots, toilet paper shortage, masks, Zoom meetings, homeschooling, 6 feet rule, massive wildfires, Israeli peace agreement, RBG’s death, murder rates rise, church closings, no sport spectators, travel bans, Tennessee tornado, hurricanes, brexit, locust swarms, Olympics canceled, Haiti fire, earthquakes, national emergency, shootings, presidential election, national chaos, Trump tests positive for Covid, Alex Trebek’s death, UFO sightings, small businesses closing, reduced capacity, home shopping, no family gatherings, Covid vaccine, Nashville bombing.

Yes, this all happened in 2020 … and we survived! It can seem like there is nothing good to reflect upon but, with God, there is always good!

Each of us have to decide for ourselves what the good is. For me, it was a deeper relationship with my husband, a renewed appreciation for friends, a surrender of things I can’t control, and a full-time counseling job. All of these moments of “good” are the direct result of seeking God in all of the moments of each day.

God is always there with us, guiding us and loving us. But when we seek Him in the tough moments, we can see a side of the challenge that brings hope.

Over this year, I have wondered often about where the good is. Watching the news or reading the social media feeds, I have been left with a sense of doom. And I’m not alone. The clients I have met with this past year have brought profoundly deep pain. More than once, as I left my office at the end of the day I wondered, “God, am I doing any good at all?”

A couple of weeks ago, after a particularly challenging day at work, I made my way home thinking and praying about the souls I interacted with that day. Crisis after crisis and there seemed no end it sight. And then, I get a text message from a client I had seen the day before. This client is an artist and had given me a bowl they had made from wood. In the wood, there was a faint line where the wood had cracked in the creation process. This is what my client said: “I gave you that particular bowl because it was broken and I was able to put it back together and unless you look carefully you can’t tell it was broken. You do that for broken people, you counsel them and put them back together.”

That is hope. That is resilience. That is grace. That is God. And God never leaves us broken. We may be living in a broken world but, if you are a disciple of Jesus Christ, you are no longer broken! You have been made whole … even in a crazy year like 2020.

”The world seems to be in trouble, whether it’s the storms or the political problems we have in this country. The only hope for this world is God,” Rev. Franklin Graham said during an appearance on Newsmax TV’s ”Spicer & Co.”

Rev. Graham was right. Our only hope is God! I have no idea why 2020 has been so difficult. But I know God has not grown silent. He has not forgotten us. Instead, His hope abounds! But make no mistake, the only way to grasp this hope and experience its fullness is to be fully immersed in the word of God.

“Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus” (Matt. 14:29).

With each new headline this year, we watched a storm brewing. And, if you were like me, there were times when you were genuinely frightened at the sheer size of the waves heading your way.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” (Matt. 14:30)

When Peter stepped out of the boat before the storm was still, he walked on the words Jesus said to him. But the moment he decided to focus on storm… the junk in our lives… he began to sink. We must choose to walk on Jesus’ words during life’s storms, even if they don’t make sense. And let’s be honest, what about 2020 has made sense? Well, God has! God not only speaks to us through the storms of life, but he also meets with us and speaks to us in the heart of the storm, when we’re at the end of ourselves and all hope is gone. Friends, it’s in those dark nights of the soul that God is found. It’s also in the bright sunny days that God is found.

As you wipe the dust of 2020 off your feet, give God thanks for what was because, friends, hope still exists. Miracles still happen. And Jesus Christ still reigns!

Happy New Year!

The Enneagram: Sacred or Sacrilege?

08 Thursday Oct 2020

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I hate being wrong. Admit it, you do, too. Being wrong just feels like an injury somehow. And the worst part of being wrong is having to admit being wrong. Ugh! As hard as it is, I can admit it. I was wrong.

Many of you are familiar with the enneagram. I have even written about it in my blogs. I have used it for clients in counseling as they struggled to find their identity. I have read many books about it and have listened to a number of podcasts on the subject. I really believed in the process. And then God opened my eyes this week to just how wrong I have been about this spiritually dangerous idea.

Before I get into they “why”, let me explain how I came to be an enneagram proponent. Four years ago, I began my ordination residency program in the United Methodist Church. As residents, we were required to read a number of different books. One was Richard Rohr’s Enneagram: A Christian Perspective. I had never heard of the enneagram at that time so I didn’t think too much of it until I started reading it. In all transparency, I remember thinking how something didn’t feel right about the enneagram. But I chalked that up to the fact that I despise labels. I thought it was just another label for people to place upon themselves that would take the place of their true identity in Christ. But the more I read, the more intrigued I became. In the residency program, we used our enneagram number to develop our relationships and understand who we were. Between that and the Myers-Briggs personality test we also had to undergo, I was nothing more than four letters and a number.

At that time, it didn’t occur to me that the church could be pushing something that was dangerous. At least not in this case. The history that Rohr gave was innocent. It’s just a personality test. And besides, it was Richard Rohr (I later came to understand that Rohr does not believe in basic Christian principles, therefore, he cannot give a Christian perspective). As time went on, more and more people began talking about the enneagram – people that I know are deeply devoted to God. I became completely at ease with it and even recommended it. About three weeks ago, while conversing with another apologist, the seeds of doubt were once again planted within my soul. This person was adamantly condemning the enneagram. She was so forceful and so convincing that the conversation left me convicted to research it in depth. Lord, have mercy, I just didn’t know!

The history of the enneagram is not based on Christian principles at all. It actually comes from the occult despite what Rohr and others have to say. Pioneered by mystic George Gurdjieff, he claimed the original enneagram was given to him by secret groups. His belief was that human beings are unable to see a true reality without “an awakening of consciousness.” (Montenegro, 2011)

Gurdjieff also taught that everyone has an essence, which is the “material of which the universe is made. Essence is divine– the particle of god in our subconscious called Conscience.” (Mitch Pacwa, online) This doctrine of essence, which has continued as a primary part of the enneagram, is clearly pantheism (the belief that everything is god). Remember, as Christians we believe we are creations of God, not divine beings equal to God.

Gurdjieff’s students took the enneagram and ran with it. Oscar Ichazo altered the enneagram a bit claiming that he had “received instructions from a higher entity called Metatron” and was guided by an interior master. The enneagram was embraced by the occult and new age movements because it’s original teachers believed and taught that this was a gnostic path to one’s own self.

In the early 1990s, Richard Rohr wrote his book about the enneagram. Ironically, when the book first came out it was called Discovering the Enneagram: An Ancient Tool for a New Spiritual Journey. Rohr actually stated in the preface of his original version that the enneagram “was not originally Christian”. But Rohr changed his title to lull unsuspecting Christians into believing that this New Age, occult practice would bring people into a deeper presence with God. Rohr’s popularity catapulted the enneagram into the progressive church and, unfortunately, unsuspecting orthodox churches as well. And although Rohr claims his book is written from a Christian perspective, he teaches doctrines that directly oppose Jesus Christ and the scriptures. “One needs to know that Rohr denies the biblical doctrines on man, sin, creation, salvation, and God. Richard Rohr also teaches a false Jesus/Christ. Rohr makes a distinction between Jesus and Christ by saying Jesus was not the ‘Universal Christ,’ who is ‘bigger’ than Jesus.” (Veinot, et al., p. 26)

You may be thinking, “I still don’t see why the enneagram is so bad.” I thought that too when I first began hearing about the dark beginnings of the practice. You must understand the true nature of its purpose – to have a spiritual awakening of oneself. And not just in the broad sense of the word. The purpose is to see oneself and Self (with a capital S). In other words, the enneagram attempts to open your mind to the idea that you are divine. You are holy. You are the center of your world. The creators of the enneagram believed that most people are “asleep” and need to be “awakened” to a greater sense of self which enables them to find the real person in the midst of the various egos they have.

“This ‘Fourth Way,’ as it is called, is the path of self-transformation. Seekers are encouraged to begin each morning concentrating on putting the ‘self’ into each part of their bodies. … The purpose of such exercises is to shatter the illusion that reactions and intentions are a choice of free will. The next goal is obtaining ‘objective consciousness,’ by which a person finally discovers their true self. Human effort thus enables us to ‘save’ his own soul.” (Veinot, et al., p. 62)

That should be enough to stop any true Christian from ever approaching the enneagram again. The very idea that we can save our own soul is beyond frightening. It removes Jesus Christ and the sacrifice he made on our behalf for our eternal redemption. It also removes the Holy Spirit as our only counsel. And that is a grave sin because they are discrediting the very nature of our triune God. “Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.” (Mark 3:29)

You may still be saying you don’t think it’s that bad. Well, let me offer you this illustration. In Genesis, we are introduced to the world in the form of a perfect man or perfect woman. They live in a perfect garden with all they could ever want. Joy surrounds them and God is pleased. Unfortunately for Adam and Eve, the serpent is not pleased at all. He seeks to destroy their relationship with one another and ultimately with God. And he does so by one simple way — he tells them, “You should be as God.” (Genesis 3:5) Y’all, herein lies this problem. When we seek any way other than through God to have fulfillment, we are breaking the first Commandment. We are denying God implicitly without doing so explicitly.

“Employing the cunning of the serpent in the garden, {the false teacher} may subtly suggest a slight alteration to ‘what God said’ that doesn’t unduly upset his or her target audience … until they have separated from God … and they don’t even realize it. But little by little, brick-by-brick, the false teacher turns the truth of God upside down.” (Veinot, et al., p. 33)

Friends, the enneagram and teachers like Richard Rohr encourage you to put yourself above all else — including God Almighty. You are encouraged to find meaning within yourself, putting yourself as the center of your sphere. And equally alarming, you are then taught that any sin in your life is merely the result of your true Self and therefore entirely out of your control. Rohr said, “Christ is another word for everything.” (Rohr, online) Christ is NOT another word for everything. We are not holy. We are sinners. And the only hope we have is found, not within our self but in God. Our salvation came the moment Jesus Christ, fully human and fully divine, defeated death.

So, for every person I have previously influenced regarding the use of the enneagram, I am deeply sorry. I seek your forgiveness and, through His unfailing grace, I am grateful for God’s forgiveness, as well. As a therapist, I do believe it’s important to know what makes a person tick. I do believe we have unique personality traits that drive our thoughts and actions. But I also believe that Jesus Christ is our hope. While diagrams, charts, stars, and cards might seem like an easy avenue to answers, there is a price to be paid when doing so. Thank God, for second chances and unfailing grace!

References:

Montenegro, Marcia. “The Enneagram GPS: The Gnostic Path to Self.” Christian Answers for a New Age (March 2011), posted online. http://www.christiananswersforthenewage.org/Articles_Enneagram.html (Accessed October 3, 2020)

Mitch Pacwa, SJ. “Tell Me Who I am, O Enneagram.” CRI Journal (Fall 1991), posted online June 9, 2009. https://www.equip.org/article/tell-me-who-i-am-o-enneagram/ (Accessed October 5, 2020)

Rohr, Richard and Andreas Ebert (trans. Peter Heinegg). Discovering the Enneagram: An Ancient Tool for a New Spiritual Journey (New York, NY: Crossroad Publishing) 1992.

Veinot, Don; Joy Veinot; and Marcia Montenegro. Richard Rohr and the Enneagram Secret. (Wonder Lake, IL: MCOI Publishing LLC) 2020.