What comes to mind when you think about church?

A kind pastor with a gentle presence.

Piano or organ music.

Smiling faces and loving embraces.

The sounds of creaking pews or the rustling of old hymnals.

Church is supposed to be a safe place for believers to gather, build relationships, and deepen their walk with God. But what happens when the very place you run to for comfort and safety becomes the source of your deepest wounds? Church hurt is real, and for too long, it’s been swept under the rug by church leaders, well-meaning parishioners, and denominational organizations. Today, we’re pulling it into the light—because what stays hidden can’t be healed.

The Biblical Counseling Coalition defines “church hurt” as the painful experiences faced when individuals are exploited within a local church setting. In these situations, spiritual language or even Scripture may be misused to justify harmful actions and protect those responsible. Additionally, church hurt encompasses instances where someone is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or even physically harmed by one or more individuals within the church. This issue appears to be widespread, and in recent years, “church hurt” has gained significant attention on social media platforms and discussion panels among evangelical leaders.

What makes church hurt so painful is that it’s not just relational—it’s spiritual. It’s one of the most intimate relationships we find ourselves in because we know that our spiritual being cannot be hidden from God. In any other relationship, we subconsciously know that we might be hurt somewhere along the way. But the church is different. The people who wounded you weren’t just friends or acquaintances; they represented the body of Christ in your life. When they failed, it felt as though God failed. When the very people and institutions that should protect us betray us, we are often left in a rubble of disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. 

Throughout the Scriptures, we are told story after story about the challenges of making disciples of Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul said it best. “In hard traveling year in and year out, I’ve had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, and struggle with foes. I’ve been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers (2 Corinthians 11:26 MSG).” 

After almost 20 years of serving in full-time ministry, I have experienced my share of slings and arrows from the Christian community. But each year I continue to serve brings with it a constant reminder that loving and serving God’s people is a risky business. We can be deeply hurt by those we love, but you are worth the risk. 

Many people in our church services have been directly impacted by a moral failure of a former pastor, church infighting, a toxic church environment, or a manipulative friend misusing the name of Jesus. Scriptures have been used to justify abuse, shame, and condemnation, causing the abused to simply walk away altogether, not just from their church but from the faith.

How do we heal after being betrayed by those we trusted? How do we walk with those who have not only been hurt by the Church but also abused by spiritual leaders? How do we find the strength to try again after several attempts to find a healthy church family? Many church leaders are internally asking the same questions as they are also trying to minister to those who are considering leaving not only their church, but their faith altogether.

Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God isn’t indifferent to your hurt. He sees it, He grieves it with you, and He longs to bring healing.

Church hurt is the worst kind of hurt. It’s like getting stabbed in the back while the person holding the knife is looking directly into your eyes. When the very people and institutions that should protect us betray us, we are often left in a rubble of disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. 

Many people in our church services have been directly impacted by a moral failure of a former pastor, church infighting, a toxic church environment, or a manipulative teaching of scripture to justify abuse or shame.

So what do we do when the hurt has seeped in and we are unable to stop the constant flow of pain?

After Paul gives us his long list of ministry woes in 2 Corinthians 11, he continues in Chapter 12. “I do admit that I have fears that when I come you’ll disappoint me and I’ll disappoint you, and in frustration with each other everything will fall to pieces — quarrels, jealousy, flaring tempers, taking sides, angry words, vicious rumors, swelled heads, and general bedlam” (2 Corinthians 12:20–21 MSG). 

From the beginning of the Acts church, there has been a fear of hurt and disappointment. Church is made up of imperfect people, after all. So how do we work alongside a perfect God to build His Church alongside Him, while simultaneously healing and helping others heal? 

Paul gives us some direction in 2 Corinthians 13 (MSG). 

1. Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith — Where has the enemy caused confusion and chaos in relationships, your prayer life, conversations, and situations? Have you done the hard and holy work of pursuing personal healing through counseling, prayer, fasting, repentance, and forgiveness? Ask yourself, “Is my faith in Jesus Christ solid or has a season of disappointment and hurt cracked my once solid foundation?” 

2. Don’t drift along, taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups — Sometimes we have to leave a church to stay with Jesus, but don’t stay gone for too long. Pursue a new biblical community under a safe shepherd. Pursue daily time in the Word of God, reflecting and resting, worshipping privately and corporately, and staying in close connection with mentors and those who love you. Church doesn’t have to look like it always did, but you need a community that will hold you accountable to those regular checkups.

3. Don’t just put up with your limitations; celebrate them — Paul boasts of his weaknesses because in them God’s great strength is revealed. Celebrate the thorn in your flesh and the scars that have become your testimony. What you have walked out — the hurt, the abuse, the disappointment — will help others share their stories and invite them to know a Jesus they have always wanted to know who doesn’t punish us for weakness but shows up in greater strength! Silence is the enemy. Sharing your testimony is healing for you as long as it’s not an act of revenge. Speak of your victory in Jesus Christ.

4. Allow God to demonstrate his supernatural strength in your life — Paul ends with this, “And that’s about it, friends. Be cheerful. Keep things in good repair. Keep your spirits up. Think in harmony. Be agreeable. Do all that, and the God of love and peace will be with you for sure.” 

As I said earlier, being in ministry… whether as a pastor, a volunteer, a mentor … it is risky. We risk hate from nonbelievers and we risk pain from fellow believers. But it is worth the risk. You are worth the risk. Every time we choose to cross the threshold of a church building after a season of hurt, we are reminded that the Body of Christ is worth the risk because He made us so through His death and resurrection.

Maybe there is a part of you that yearns to be in a church community but another part of you wants to simply run away. Cling to God. He has positioned you to be a voice for the voiceless even when it’s scary or painful. Ask the Lord for wisdom to know when to stay and when to go, and believe he is with you in the coming and the going, the beginnings and the endings. 

If you or your church is experiencing hurt, you don’t have to walk through it alone. Reach out to The Ephesians 612 Group to restore hope, truth, and peace in your troubled community of believers.