Monthly Archives: August 2021

Time To Return

23 Monday Aug 2021

Posted by in My Story. My Faith., The Church

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Therefore, the Lord proclaims:
If you return to me, I will take you back
    and let you stand before me.
If you utter what is worthwhile,
        not what is worthless,
    you will be my spokesman.
They will turn to you,
    not you to them! — Jeremiah 15:19

Wait. What did he just say?

“If you return to me…”

Why have I never heard this verse before? And why now?

I was sitting in church, only our second visit to this particular one, and the words uttered by the pastor seemed to scream at me. “If you return to me…” It wasn’t a coincidence. I actually don’t believe in them. It was a direct word from God to the core of my soul. At that moment, those words were meant for me and me alone. I felt that a spotlight was shining down on me, calling me to once again take my rightful place as a spokesman for God. Now the answer was up to me.

“If you return to me…”

To say I can be stubborn would not be completely off base. But I didn’t really consider that I was stubborn with God. I actually thought I was rather obedient. But the light had definitely been turned on to highlight my sinful ways. The truth is, I didn’t realize I had ever left God. Clearly, I had.

I was called to ordained deacon ministry many years ago for those who may not be familiar with my backstory. Coming from the Greek word diákonos (διάκονος), my calling was to mimmick that of Phoebe and Stephen, as a messenger or servant of God.

What exactly was my calling? It was mental health counseling, specifically as a Biblical counselor. Sometimes it would be in an office setting. Other times, it would be in another country. It was often trauma-related, and always spiritual. I was mandated by God to not only share the Gospel, but to also Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. — Matthew 28:19-20 I was called to deliver the message to those in need that their healing could only come from Jesus Christ.

Because of the uniqueness of my call, God set me apart to live a higher standard, thus, ordaining me before Himself and the Church. I had absolutely no desire to be ordained. But God wouldn’t leave me alone. From the time I was a young girl, I fought with God about my life and what I would do with it. Even after obtaining my mental health license, God continued to convict me in my work. I would offer people secular tools to deal with their problems, knowing in my heart that I was denying them the one thing that could ultimately heal them. In the end, I surrendered to God, knowing the tremendous amount of pressure I would face the moment I said, “yes.” Backlash from the mental health community. Isolation from peers.But most of all, I knew what it would mean on my eternal soul.

My dear brothers and sisters, don’t be so eager to become a teacher in the church since you know that we who teach are held to a higher standard of judgment. — James 3:1

After saying yes, I felt like the world took over. As with all of human history, man and God collided. I stayed quiet as I was ushered by the local church into the pulpit rather than supported within the true nature of my calling. I began to fill a role as preacher and administrator in order to please those I admired. As a consequence, God’s desire for me as His servant took a backseat in my life. This was the reality of my existence for seven years.

But God.

Oh how precious those two words are. But God intervened when I cried out to Him to rescue me from a place I didn’t really know how to escape. Leaving the local church was awful. There is no other way to say it. But it should have been freeing. Unfortunately, I focused so much on the pain that I had no room to see the freedom. And somewhere along the way, I left God. I left Him.

I never stopped believing. I never stopped loving Him or desiring Him. But I stopped being with Him. I stopped seeing Him in my life. He was there but kept at a distance. All the while, my mental health practice was growing.

I would have patients tell me that God spoke to them through me and still I didn’t reach to Him. I witnessed miraculous healing from traumas and grief. I heard many stories of newfound faith after working with me. And still, I neglected Him.

The truth be told, I was living out my true calling while ignoring the strength of my savior. No wonder I was so tired all of the time. No wonder I was so empty.

If you return to me, Janean…

So there I was, sitting in a new church and all eyes were on me as the Lord called me out. Okay, maybe the eyes of those within the building weren’t on me but I can tell you that the angels were collectively holding their breath as they awaited my answer.

So don’t be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, or of me his prisoner. Instead, share in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God. — 2 Timothy 1:8

There it was. The mandate from God, placed on my heart. It was time to pick it back up obediently and be as Christ commanded me to be. I am called as a deacon in the Church. I am to work alongside those suffering in this temporary world, pointing them to the salvation promised by Jesus Christ. I am to sacrifice my comforts, my wants, and my will for His alone. I am to share in the suffering of others for the sake of the gospel, relying on the power of God. What about you? God calls each of us in very unique and intentional ways. We don’t get to pick and choose how we are to serve. God chooses for us. Are you obedient? Or, are you ready to return to Him?

But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that the entire message would be preached through me and so all the nations could hear it. — 2 Timothy 4:17

For Me, To Die Is Gain

10 Tuesday Aug 2021

Posted by in mental health, My Story. My Faith.

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This week, I said good-bye to a precious childhood friend, Casey. She succumbed to the effects of Covid-19. She was 47 years-old.

Next month will mark seven years since I said good-bye to my best friend, Jodi. She died from complications after a motorcycle accident. She was 39 years-old.

Death. It’s something we never want to talk about, yet, none of us will avoid it.

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When reading scripture, it’s obvious that death is a big part of life. Jesus Christ showed us the importance of life and death. The truth is, however, that living seems much easier, doesn’t it? Even when life is difficult, we at least know what to expect with living. But death… well it seems so mysterious and final. Even for Christians, we have a difficulty grasping the glory of death. I think it’s because we are seeing it through the eyes of earthly life.

The Apostle Paul understood the conundrum of life and death. In Philippians 1:21-26, he says, “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Now if I live on in the flesh, this means fruitful work for me; and I don’t know which one I should choose.I am torn between the two. I long to depart and be with Christ—which is far better—but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.Since I am persuaded of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that, because of my coming to you again, your boasting in Christ Jesus may abound.“

There is an old saying that says a person is not ready to live until they are first ready to die. In other words, only once we are ready to die, are we truly ready to live. So what do I mean, exactly? To be ready to die can only come with a life-surrender to Jesus Christ. We must die of our old self, our sinful self, in order to live in our freedom granted only through the cross. When that happens, an earthly death is not something we fear. We may not want it to come quickly but we don’t fear it. That’s the point of being ready to die which allows us to truly live. And yet, many people wait until it’s too late to come to this realization. They use their final days to surrender their lives to Jesus Christ but they never get the opportunity to live their life for Christ.

Paul was ready to die. He wanted to die so he could live eternally with Jesus. But Paul understood that his work on earth was not completed. He was needed for those around him. His life … and death … was in God’s hands.

“For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

“For me.” That’s a powerful phrase. From the depth of his soul, Paul is saying, “Regardless of how anyone else is living… for me; regardless of what my friends are doing… for me. For me to live is Christ, whether anyone else lives for Christ.”

Do you ever feel like the world is just out to get you? Do you ever feel like you have to reign in your faith because the world believes it’s just too big or too much? Do you wonder if you’re going to make it through whatever difficulty you are going through? We all struggle with these things from time to time. But, friends, we don’t have to wonder if we are cut out to make it through the tough times.

Did you know that when Paul said this verse, he was in prison in Rome? He had been charged with insurrection against the Empire and was awaiting trial before Caesar. If found guilty, the sentence is death. So Paul was facing the real possibility that he would end soon.

And as Paul sits in his dark cell, he writes this letter to the Philippians. For all he knows, it would be the last letter. And yet, he is not fearful; he is not filled with anxiety; he is a man at peace because to live is Christ.

“Regardless of what the world says, regardless of what the circumstances are that threaten me, for me to live is Christ.” It was the single greatest purpose of his existence. And the same should be true for each of us.

Over the past week, as I joined in prayer with so many friends and family of Casey, it was amazing to read the number of comments about her faith. She wasn’t just a believer in Jesus. She was a disciple of Jesus. She consistently lived her life by following His commandments and bringing others the Good News. Did she love her neighbors as Jesus commanded? Yes. Did she just stop there? No. She talked constantly about Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. She shared her story of faith and how it was through her willingness to die for Christ that she was able live for Christ. And live is what she did. He legacy is her faith. When people talk about Casey, they will also talk about Jesus Christ. That is a legacy worth dying for.

Casey makes it easy to celebrate her life. She celebrated life the moment she was reborn and she celebrated life until the moment she had her earthly death. But she is not dead. She is very much alive through all the people who have come to either know Jesus or grow their intimacy with Jesus because of her witness.

I can’t help but wonder if my life reflects that kind of faith. I know I have failed my Jesus so many times. I have been Peter, and denied him. I have been Judas, and given him the kiss of betrayal. I have been Thomas and doubted. I have been Paul and cried in anguish as I’ve struggled between doing what I knew was right and what I knew was wrong. I have clung to things of this world, fearful of what is unknown about the next.

“All the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness. I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself.” (Phil 3:8-11 MSG)

We cling to our achievements and our prestige in this world. We spend hours on social media bragging in one way or another about the greatness in our lives. But how many people do you see proclaiming bolding that they want to be a partner in Christ’s suffering, all the way to the suffering on the cross? It’s not a popular concept. But it is the only true way to live.

I think Casey was like Paul. I think she was ready to die which is exactly why she so boldly lived. If you are a Christian, you should be like Paul, too. The fact is, in the midst of a pandemic, we are faced with death in a more aggressive way, it seems. Sometimes it feels like the angel of death is just hovering over all of us, breathing down our necks just a bit closer than we like to admit. But in reality, death is always just a moment away. Too many well-meaning Christians (pastors included) don’t prepare each other to face death. That’s why we live in such fear of it.

So, I want to ask you this very personal question. Are you ready to die if death were to knock on your door? Have you put your faith in Jesus Christ completely? Do you believe that he is your Lord and your Savior? If you were to die tonight, would you receive the ultimate reward of heaven? Friend, if you do not know Jesus Christ, if he is not the reason you live and breathe, I would be honored to introduce him to you. Once you know him… really know him… you’ll give up everything to have the only thing — eternal life. “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”